The London Paradigm (book 4 of Adopted by the Josephs)

2.Tyler

We left the airport after Samantha left to go through security and go to her gate. My stomach was roiling. I felt sick. What if she didn't come home? What if she wanted to stay in London? What if Mark and Carol convinced her to stay? What if, after everything they'd said, the decided they should be raising Samantha? The drive home was silent.

The thoughts wouldn't stop and when we got home I went down into my basement studio and into my office. The office didn't distract me enough, so I went into the main part and played some piano. Tear In My Heart, Car Radio, HeavyDirtySoul. Everything that let me get out my fear and anger.

I couldn't explain why I was so angry. There was nothing to be angry about. But I was angry. Angry at Jenna and myself for allowing Samantha to go to England without us. Angry at myself for being angry at Jenna for letting Sam go. And angry at Samantha for wanting to go. Then angry at myself for being angry at Samantha for wanting to go.

Eventually I was all played out. A text had come through on my phone. It was Josh.

"Sam get off okay?" He texted.

"Yeah," I replied.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yes," I said.

"No," I followed up immediately.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I feel like letting her go was a mistake. I feel like watching her head to security without is is the last time I'm going to see her. I feel like my hug in the airport was the last hug I'll ever get from her."

"She has a return ticket, right?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"She'll be back. She loves you guys and Rosie way too much."

"What if Mark and Carol convince her to stay. They're her only blood relatives."

"I can't imagine Samantha would suddenly want to live with people she didn't know existed for the past 14 years. Even if they are family. Besides, the adoption was finalized over a year ago. They have no legal right to Samantha, really."

"What if because of that, they are allowed to challenge the adoption?"

"Ty, are you spiralling?"

"I don't know," I said, honestly.

"Reach out if you feel you are, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed and closed out the chat.

I went upstairs where Jenna was feeding Rosie her lunch.

"I made some soup," she said. "It's on the stove. Go eat something."

I grabbed a bowl and a spoon, ladled myself some soup and sat down at the table.

"What if she doesn't come home?" I asked Jenna. "What if she doesn't want to come home?"

"SaSa?" Rosie asked.

"She's coming home, Tyler," Jenna said, trying to get Rosie to eat some mashed banana.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked. "What if Mark and Carol convince her to stay?"

"Tyler, she's our daughter. Legally. It's been over a year since we adopted her. It's past the time they could challenge it. She's coming home, Tyler," Jenna tried to convince me.

I'm still scared she won't.

"SaSa?" Rosie asked again.

"Samantha is on vacation," Jenna said to Rosie.

"SaSa go?" Rosie asked.

"Yes, Samantha went to see Mark and Carol and Benji and Emma,"

Rosie raspberried. Jenna laughed.

"SaSa, WoWo," Rosie said.

"Samantha loves Rosie and she'll be gone sooner than you know, Rosie posey," Jenna said, picking her up and cleaning her face.

"And now it's time for Rosie to go sleepies," Jenna said. "Nap time!"

"SaSa," Rosie said simply. Jenna smiled at her.

Jenna came back downstairs and sat at the table with me again.

"Tyler, she's coming home. You know she will."

"I can't help being afraid she'll want to stay there," I said.

"I know, baby," Jenna said. "But she'll be home. I know you're worried, but she has a ticket and she'll call us tonight to let us know she got in okay, and we'll at up times to talk to her. Okay?"

I nodded. But I still wasn't convinced.