The London Paradigm (book 4 of Adopted by the Josephs)

43. Samantha

Uncle Josh invited me to his and Aunt Debby's house for the weekend. I thought Mom and Dad probably asked him to because the nightmares were back and they were worse than ever.  I woke up screaming at least twice in a night. After my second nightmare, their dog, Jim, hopped up on my bed and lay beside me. I slept better after that.

When I woke up I brushed my teeth and took my meds, then opened the bedroom door. Jim went downstairs and I followed him.

Uncle Josh offered me breakfast and got all parental on me, which was weird. But kind of nice. Everyone's being really great. But they can't fix this. And I don't know what to do, either.

Uncle Josh made me cheesy eggs and toast and jam. I think it was the first meal I ate in at least a week, and finished. I actually felt a little better after I ate.

"You want anything else?" Uncle Josh asked. "More eggs? I can whip them up quick."

"No. I'm full, thanks."  I said. "I haven't been able to eat a lot lately, so this was a lot."

"I'd noticed," Uncle Josh said, concern in his eyes. "You're too skinny, Sam."

I knew he was serious. Because he only uses my name when he's being serious.

"I'm going to go get dressed," I said, after clearing my plate.

"Want to come walk Jim with me?" Uncle Josh asked. "We usually just go out to the woods in the back. We don't have to go out to the street."

"Yeah," I smiled. "Maybe."

"Okay. Grab a sweatshirt. It's a bit cool out today."

I nodded and bounded up the stairs. I pulled on jeans and a Panic! t-shirt Uncle Brendon had sent, and one of my warmer sweatshirts. I frowned as I looked at myself in the mirror while brushing my hair. Everything looked too big on me. I looked grey. And I had circles under my eyes from not sleeping. And if I'm honest, I don't feel great. I don't feel like I'm sick, I just don't feel... good.

I sighed, brushed my hair, washed my face and went back downstairs.

"Ready?" Uncle Josh asked. I nodded.

He opened the back door and Jim ran outside. We walked outside and a strong gust of wind blew through. I shivered.

"You okay?" Uncle Josh asked.

"Yeah. The wind's a bit colder than I was expecting."

"You'll warm up as we walk. Jim might even try to get you to run," he smiled. I smiled back.

We walked across their back lawn towards a wooded area like at home. Uncle Josh put his arm around me.

"I'm glad you came over kiddo," he said. "I hope you can relax a little bit here."

"Thanks Uncle Josh," I said. "Im sorry I woke you guys up last night, again."

"Don't be," he said. "You're dealing with a lot. We get it. Please. Don't worry about it."

I shrugged. How could I not worry about it? Every nightmare woke me up screaming. And my screaming woke everyone else up. It was like when I got home after Stanley.

"Sam," Uncle Josh said, meaning he wanted to have a serious talk. "How are you, really?"

"I'm okay," I said.

"No you aren't," he said. "I know you well enough, Sam. You're not sleeping well, you said breakfast today was the most you've eaten in a while, and I can tell.  You're not happy."

Tears came to my eyes.

"I'm so scared, Uncle Josh," I said. "I'm scared Mark will win. I'm scared he knew Stanley and this is something about him. I'm scared to sleep because of the nightmares but I'm scared to stay awake because if I don't sleep well I can have seizures. My stomach feels like it's always in knots. Uncle Josh, I don't feel well. I don't feel sick but I don't feel good."

He stopped walking and put his hand on my shoulder. Then he pulled me into a hug, being careful of the stitches in my head. I started crying. Hard. I think it's the first time I really cried about what Mark's doing. I didn't want Mom and Dad to worry too much more. They were already so worried about the case and if we'd win.

I cried and cried and cried.  Uncle Josh just held me and rubbed my back, letting me soak his shirt.

I don't know how long we stood there, me bawling my eyes out and Uncle Josh just letting me cry, but when I was done, he held me at arm's length and looked me in the eyes.

"You needed that, huh?" He said.  I nodded.

"I think so," I admitted. He nodded.

"Sam, you don't have to protect everyone's feelings. I know that's what you're doing, because I know you. I know you're trying to keep your parents, and maybe Debby and I, and your friends from worrying. But you can't take that all on yourself. Let us protect you, okay?"

I wiped my eyes and I nodded.

"But what if you can't? What if Mom and Dad can't? What if Mark wins?"

"I'm going to tell you something that your mom and dad may or may not have told you. I know they aren't keeping things from you, but I don't know how much you all talk about this. I do think you might all need to talk more about it because this is not healthy for you," Uncle Josh started, his arm around my shoulders as he led me back towards the house. "Your parents are documenting everything that happens to you. The seizure the other day, the stitches, the nightmares, that we invited you here to try and give you a bit of a break from the craziness at the house. Everything. And your lawyer is going to use it against your uncle to show that what he's doing and if they were to get custody of you would be devastating to you. They're fighting tooth and nail for you. And Aunt Debby and I, Uncle Brendon and Aunt Sarah, Pete, Patrick, Zack and Kala, we've all been asked by your parents to testify on your behalf and theirs if we're needed. Because we love you and we want to keep you here. Because this is where you belong."

I started crying again and Uncle Josh pulled me into another hug.

"You're gonna be okay, String Bean," he said. "We're gonna fight so hard to make sure of it."