The Rhythm Of Our Lonely Hearts

Chapter 21: Tonight Will Be The Night That I Will Fall For You

Chapter 21: Tonight Will Be The Night That I Will Fall For You

August 15th, Portland, Oregon

Andy let out a shaky breath, squeezing the glass neck of a wine bottle as he struggled to stay in control. The panic attacks had become relentless, starting out shortly after his late morning set. When the rush of adrenaline wore off it left him with nothing to dwell on except that in twenty-four hours he'd be checked into rehab. No phone. No contact with the outside world. Isolated and alone with a bunch of strangers asking him questions about why he was so fucked up.

While everyone else got drunk and danced the night away later on, he'd be a nervous wreck watching the clock count down to the point of no return. The only thing keeping him from yanking the cork out of the bottle in front of him and chugging it as fast as he could was Matt. The temporary comfort getting drunk would bring, would mean throwing away any chance he might have with the guitarist.

Seattle had gotten to his head. With no definitive answer as to whether Matt would be staying or not, he felt like he was on pins and needles. The second they were apart again, his mind spiraled. Creating conspiracy theories as to why Matt had pulled away from the kiss, could it mean that he did plan to leave? What Matt had told him was playing on repeat in his head. Was he really trying to distract himself from all the emotions he felt with sex? Of course, he was, but why was that a bad thing if it was with someone who he loved? Someone who supposedly loved him back? There were a million worse things he could be indulging in.

The bottle of wine in front of him for instance.

After rehab, would there ever be a time when he could enjoy a drink or two again? Probably not, he drank to blackout. It had always been a facet of his personality, no moderation. If he was drinking, he was drinking till he passed out. If he was losing weight, he was losing weight until he was skin and bones. If he was in love, it was an overwhelming love. He was in one hundred percent or not at all; feast or famine.

That meant today was his last day to indulge, last day of freedom. The last day he could use the crutch of alcohol to deal with the shit in his head he didn't want to face.

Andy was about to pop the cork when the sound of the bus door opening stopped him. He panicked, shoving the bottle back into the cabinet and slamming it shut. Too afraid to turn around in case he'd been caught, his cheeks heating up from the adrenaline.

"Damn dude... we got a deposit on this thing. Don't be slamming the cabinets."

Andy let out a sigh of relief when he heard Jake's voice, turning around to face the guitarist.

"... anyways, you okay dude? You look like you just saw a ghost." Jake raised an eyebrow, looking the singer over.

"I'm fine-"

"Okay... well, I needed to ask you something real quick. What time are you leaving for your little center or whatever?" Jake asked.

Andy had told Jake and his manager, John about rehab. The rest didn't need to know, telling them instead he was flying home to see his family for two weeks. As his roommate though, Jake would figure it out. The guitarist had been surprised by the news, but nonetheless seemed supportive of the idea. At least as supportive as Jake was capable of, emotions weren't a strong point of his.