The Rhythm Of Our Lonely Hearts

Chapter Six: Over and Over Again

Chapter Six: Over and Over Again

Matt gripped the steering wheel tighter, the rush hour traffic even worse than normal. He still felt like shit from his night of drinking. The closer he got to thirty, the longer it took him to bounce back after going overboard. After barely sleeping the last place he wanted to be was stuck in a traffic jam. He sighed, leaning back in his seat. Why didn't he make Andy catch a cab back to the hotel?

"Mm..." Andy groaned from the passenger's seat. Turning onto his good side.

The older man glanced over at the singer who seemed to be in a fair amount of pain. Andy had the seat reclined all the way back, one hand resting over his hurt ribs. Matt tried to remind himself that the reason he was in pain was because of his stupid decision to show up unannounced. Apparently not having thought to bring his medications with him.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked, breaking the silence between them.

"My ribs hurt..." Andy replied, shifting around in his seat.

"Well... why didn't you bring your pills with you?"

Andy didn't like how cold and short Matt was being with him. He knew he fucked up; Matt was right to be upset with him. But he had his heart broken, wasn't that payback enough?

"I didn't think about that..." The younger man spoke quietly, focusing his gaze on the cars ahead of them. "I mean it's not like I planned on staying the night... I didn't even know if you were home."

"We still have to talk about boundaries. You can't act like that." The guitarist stated, adjusting his sunglasses as the traffic finally started to move.

"I know... and I'm sorry. Really..." Andy chewed at his lip ring, the apology not appearing to phase the older man.

"I told you I would be back to the hotel eventually. But I can't spend every waking minute with you... I have a life too, Andy." Matt pulled off the highway, onto the exit ramp. Thankful that the hotel was only a few more minutes away.

"I appreciate your concern this morning but... that doesn't fix things." He couldn't let himself be pulled back in by one day of good behavior.

He'd made that mistake too many times. Thinking that the other man would actually change his ways when really Andy was just buying time. As much as he loved him, he couldn't subject himself to that pain again. For a moment when he was laying in the singer's lap, he'd indulged the thought of trying again. But that was wishful thinking. Perhaps he and Andy could be friends again, but anything more was a recipe for disaster.

"You said last night that I don't care about you... but I do, Matt." Andy spoke, his voice quiet and small.

"Do you care about me, or do you care about yourself and not being alone?" The guitarist asked, turning into the parking lot.

"Of course, I care about you... I love you." Andy's words caused the older man's heart to skip a beat.

He wanted to believe Andy more than anything. He wanted to think that if he gave the man another chance it wouldn't blow up in his face. But if he did, what would happen? When Andy healed would he go back to his old habits? Blacking out, destroying his body, and taking anyone who cared about him down with him?

"You may... but you suck at showing it. Look... I don't hate you, Andy. But maybe us being together wasn't a good idea..." Matt turned the engine off, not making a move to get out of the car.