The Rhythm Of Our Lonely Hearts

Chapter Eight: I'll Make War to You

Chapter Eight: I'll Make War to You

Matt held his head in his hands, not moving from the table even after Andy's bitchy comment. It infuriated him that they couldn't even have a simple conversation without it turning into a petty fight. That the man couldn't muster the maturity to articulate his feelings and instead resorted to yelling, crying, and begging. It still seemed lost on the singer that his actions hurt the people who loved him. What he hadn't heard from Andy was that he was sorry for all the hurt and pain he'd caused him. A thank you for all the things Matt did for him, for being there when no one else was. For still being there when he had more than enough reason to leave for good.

He glanced between his fingers at the younger man; Andy was on his phone, alternating between texting and taking shots of whiskey.

"God, I can't fucking stand you..." The guitarist laughed bitterly, shaking his head.

"Then why are you still here?" Andy smirked sarcastically, the alcohol only making him feistier.

"I'm waiting for you to realize that you're being a child and have a mature conversation with me. Guess I'm wasting my time, maybe I should just stoop to your level instead." Matt stood up, walking over to the man, and taking the bottle of whiskey from him.

Andy grabbed for it, pulling back in pain when his ribs pressed into the bed causing him to wince. "Give that back!"

"What if I just started acting like you? Get blackout drunk anytime I feel an emotion I don't want to deal with?" Matt tipped the bottle back, downing enough of the bitter liquid to kill any rational thoughts left in his head.

Andy glared at him, rolling his eyes. "Now who's being childish?" he huffed.

"Now you know how I feel dealing with you." The older man retorted, flopping down on the adjacent bed.

In his head, he told himself he was just giving Andy a taste of his own medicine in the hopes that it would make him see how stupid he was acting. In reality, though, he knew he was buying more time with him. Not having the strength to actually walk out and partially wanting to numb the void that had been growing in his heart since they broke up.

"At least I'm not stupid enough to think us being just friends again is possible." Andy snatched the bottle from the bedside table, taking another swig.

"You're right, it was stupid of me to think you could be that much of an adult." Matt groaned, closing his eyes and trying to focus on the peace intoxication was bringing him.

Andy turned over onto his good side, his eyes set on the guitarist. All the animosity that Matt had towards him, was it really over the fact that he thought he didn't want him? That he somehow loved the darkest parts of his mind more than the man? Of course, Andy knew how much he was hurting Matt with his behavior, but he was powerless to stop it. At least that's how it felt, twenty years of trying to change his brain hadn't gotten him very far.

He could feel the alcohol clouding his judgment, lowering his inhibitions to a dangerous level. There was no way their friendship would ever come out intact, too much damage had been done. How do you go from saying 'I love you' and planning to move in together to being 'just friends' again? Andy was confident his feelings for the man would never change, it would always hurt to see Matt in any context except as a lover.

For over a year they pretended things wouldn't get to this place; that they wouldn't end up crossing those lines. Matt wanted to go back to pretending? Who was the stupid one now?