Idols and Anchors [Austin Carlile]

Chapter 4 - Who Are You Now

My eyes fluttered open and my head started to pound. It felt as if my skull was about to crack. It's pretty horrible waking up and feeling like shit. Not knowing where you are isn't much fun either. I had no clue where I was right now or even what happened last night. Last thing I remember was taking shots with Jaime and Alan. I don't have any idea what happened afterwards.

I suddenly smelled the aroma of fresh coffee being made. I needed something in my stomach right now. I can already feel the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. I slowly dragged myself out of the bunk. Before I got out, I realized I wasn't wearing any clothes. Fuck. That means I slept with someone at the party and I can't even remember who it was. I kept the blanket wrapped around my body and headed to the front of the bus to see where I ended up. I peaked slowly to see anything but couldn't find out much.

I walked back to grab my clothes from the floor and put them back on. My shirt was the only thing not on yet when someone walked into the back lounge where I was. I threw my shirt on my body and turned around to see a shirtless ginger with cute bedhead. "I figured you would want this." Alan handed me a mug full of coffee and some aspirin. I smiled to thank him. He watched as I slowly took the pills in my hand.

"You were knocked out this morning so I just left you in my bunk." I almost choked on the coffee I was swallowing. I slept with Alan. Hailey, are you serious? Can't you just get drunk once and not have to wake up naked in someone's bed? It hasn't happened every time I got hammered but it did happen often.

He started patting my back. "Are you okay?" I closed my eyes and rubbed my face. I hated this part, telling them it didn't mean anything. "Listen Alan-" He cut me off immediately as I started talking.

"I know, we were drunk. This was a mistake and I'm sorry. This shouldn't have happened. I hope we can stay friends." I gave him a quick smirk before giving him a big hug. I'm glad he did that, it was nice to not say it myself.

"Of course we can." I kissed his cheek and grabbed his sunglasses off his pillow. I waved bye to him but as I reached for the door, someone opened it before I could. His jaw fell immediately at the sight of me. I didn't think I would see him here. Unless... Shit, Alan is in the band isn't he? Fuck why didn't I see this coming? I felt the tears start building up so I pushed him out of the way and ran to the PTV bus. That was the first time our skin came in contact for years.

My mind had a million thoughts a minute. He's going to find me again, I have to get out of here. I'm just going to blend in with the crowd. I have to try to get my mind off everything. I don't want to remember all the feelings from before. They're not worth my time.

I ran off the bus and made my way to the Kia Rio stage where the guys were about to play their show. I showed the security guard my pass and ran passed the guitar techs. Tony saw me running and came up to me. "Hailey, are you okay? You look sick." I ran into his arms and hugged him tightly. The tears finally fell as I heard the crowd chanting P-T-V.

I heard Vic calling for Tony to come on stage. "Hailey, I have to go. Kellin should be in the back. You can go talk to him. He's a great listener and he'll help you. We can talk after we're done." He gave me a tight squeeze before running on stage as the fans screamed for them all. I didn't really know Kellin that much. I partied with him a little yesterday but we didn't really talk. It was pretty much just drunk dancing and head banging.

I walked towards the back to see Kellin talking with some girl. She had long brown hair and was thin. He gave her a quick kiss before seeing me and smiling at me. Kellin saw the sad look on my face and slowly frowned. "Hailey are you okay?" I shook my head. I looked over at the girl who was slightly taller than me. "Oh, Hailey, this is Dani, my girlfriend." I nodded my head and tried my best to smile at her. She smiled at me with her piercing green eyes.

I started thinking about Austin again. I felt like I haven't actually said his name in years. He was always "the one who shall not be named."

Kellin put his hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong? You don't look to well." In that instant, I couldn't hold it in much longer. The pain was killing me. I told him everything, from the first day I met Austin to the heartbreaking moment of today. I broke down crying after I said everything.

I can't help but cry because I'm still in love with the person I called my best friend so long ago. He was the best thing in my life and had helped me through most of high school. He was practically my savior. But where was my savior to help me get through this? There was no one for me this time and I never had friends until now.

They were all so sweet but Kellin was the only one that knows the full story now. I hope he doesn't give up on me like Austin did. I can't have someone else do that to me. I don't even know how I'm alive right now. Life gave me a lot to handle over the years and I don't know how I survived. I could never go through such heartbreak again.

Kellin hugged me tight and so did Dani. I'm glad someone understands me and my feelings.

I heard footsteps coming closer. I didn't want to imagine who would be coming over here. I felt a hand on my shoulder and closed my eyes gently. I was spun around and opened my eyes to see Alan giving me a sad smile. "Can I have a moment with her guys?" Kellin nodded his head and smiled at me. I closed my eyes and started to sit on the floor. My knees immediately came to my chest. I heard shuffling going on in front of me as Alan sat on the floor with me.

"Austin told me everything. But he told me this story so long ago. I didn't know you were the girl. The girl-"

"The girl who had her heart broken by him? The girl that almost died because of him? The girl that needed him for years but he never came back? Yeah that's me. He ruined me okay Alan. He doesn't even know what he did to me or how much it affected me. My life turned to shit because of him." Alan was pretty much speechless for the next 5 minutes. He didn't know what to say. He was too busy processing what I just told him.

"Out of all the years I've known Austin, I didn't know he did that. He's my best friend and never told me that part. I always thought you were just the girl that got away but I didn't know he broke your heart. I'm sorry Hailey." I smiled at him. His own best friend broke me and he's the one that apologizes to me.

"It's okay Alan. I don't need sympathy, I just need him to stay away. Hopefully I can avoid him for the summer without coming in contact with him again. I don't need the memories to come back. I haven't talked to him in three years and I don't plan on anytime soon." He nodded and gave me a sad smile.

I stood up, causing him to as well. He gave me a hug, grabbing his black Ray Bans back and putting them on his face. He smiled at me and started to walk away.

I started walking back to the crowd. I felt better, I don't have that uneasiness feeling anymore. I don't even have the lump in my throat. I saw lots of fans walking around, excited to see their favorite bands. Maybe even meet some.

I was deep in thought when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned around and felt my face go pale. The lump in my throat was back. The sick feeling came back.

I felt like I was going to faint.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's right. It's a cliffhanger.

Sorry for the long wait my friends.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

I will try to make chapters faster so you won't have to wait as long.

Enjoy & thank you so much for reading <3