Idols and Anchors [Austin Carlile]

Chapter 10 - Adams Song

THIS CHAPTER WILL BE REALLY TOUCHY. IM SORRY IF ANYONE IS SENSITIVE TO THIS.

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I can't believe it.

What's going to happen to the guys? How are they going to cope with it? How will any of his friends cope with this? Or his dad? How am I going to deal with this? What am I going to do? I didn't even get to tell him everything. I didn't even get to see his perfect brown eyes once more, I can't see his contagious wide grin anymore. What about Alan? He can't see his best friend anymore. His band mate. I just can't believe it.

Austin is gone.

As soon as the doctor said "I'm sorry," I instantly felt the tears coming to my eyes. He actually said Austin was no longer with us. He left without any form of goodbye. There's nothing left of him except memories but that's not as good as the real thing.

I wonder how the fans are going to react. Especially those going to Warped this summer. They were all ready to meet their hero, their idol, and he left.

My heart is shattered. He's gone and I can't seem to believe it. How can this happen? He's supposed to be here, helping me in life and he is supposed to always be by my side.

First my mother, now Austin. Why?! Why is life always so cruel to me?!

I ran.

I ran all the way back to the bus. Not once looking back. If I look back, I'll stop myself and I can't. I have to go through with this.

I always had one of these in case of emergencies. I don't regret bringing it with me now.

I tied the top to the steel fan on the roof of the back lounge. I grabbed a chair and placed it underneath.

"Dear my beloved friends,

I'm sorry guys. By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Please make sure everyone sees this note.

Vic, thank you. Thank you for bringing me on tour, you gave me many memories. Jaime, I'll miss you, you big goofball. Tony, thank you for everything. Mike, you'll always be my drinking buddy.

Alan, you were an amazing friend. Not bad in bed either (; Alex, I'm so sorry babe. I'm going to miss you so so much. You helped me do so much and I can't thank you enough. Except your kiss, I'm very thankful for that. Jack, my little baby Jack, I will miss you a lot and I'll never forget you.

Everyone else, I love you all so much. I will love and miss all of you until the end of time.

I couldn't go through the pain of losing someone else. So I had to make myself get lost. I'm sorry everyone.

I love you forever and always.

Goodbye.

-Hailey"

I closed the letter and placed it on the table.

I'll really miss everyone.

I stood on the chair and wrapped the noose around my neck. I closed my eyes and took a step.

I'm sorry.