P.R.N

Epilogue

"Hindi ba't sinabi ko na sa'yo? Hindi na magbabago si Collin!" I heard Tita Marie lecturing my Mom as she cries.

She must have caught him again. My Mom only cries for him. I stood there in silence as I quietly share my Mother's pain. I was quietly asking Heavens what we did wrong to have this kind of family.

She was trying so hard to cry silently— probably because she didn't want me to know.

But I know everything you didn't want me to know, Mom.

I can see you and I hear you every time.

I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't— I shouldn't. It would only hurt her more.

I glanced at my closed fist only to see blood in it. I smiled bitterly. It's weird how my heart hurts more than my bleeding hand.

When I couldn't take it any longer, I quietly walked out the house— I couldn't call it a home because it never felt like it. Home shouldn't be this...painful.

I chose to sat in front of the house. This is what I do whenever I hear her cry. I stay outside our house and wait for Tita Marie to go before I go back— she wouldn't leave my Mom until she's done crying.

"C!" Hinanap ko ang boses na tumawag sa pangalan ko. Noong iangat ko ang tingin ko ay nakita ko si Erica Vienne na nakadungaw sa'kin mula sa bintana ng kwarto niya.

Erica Vienne is Tita Marie's only child. Tahimik lang ito at hindi ka kakausapin kung hindi mo siya kakausapin. Naging magkaibigan kami dahil sa pagkakaibigan ng mga Nanay namin.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at kumaway. "Matutulog ka na?" Medyo malakas kong tanong para marinig niya ako.

Tumango lamang ito bago umalis sa bintana. Maya-maya ay pinatay na rin ang ilaw sa kuwarto niya. Binaba ko nalang ang tingin sa paa ko.

"Bakit nasa labas ka nanaman?" Naputol ang malalim kong pag-iisip nang marinig ko si Vienne na nakatayo na pala sa harapan ko.

I thought she was going to sleep already.

"Hindi ako makatulog, eh. Ikaw? Bakit bumaba ka pa?"

"Hihintayin ko nalang din si Mama." Sabi nito bago umupo sa tabi ko.

No one talked after that. She sat there in silence with me. We didn't talk to each other, but it made me feel better.

Her presence made me feel better.

--

"Cole Gregorio, with high honors!"

"Congratulations, anak!" My Mom pulled me into her arms.

"Thank you po."

"Go na! Akyat na kayo ni Papa sa stage." Maligayang sabi nito.

My fist was clenched.

I don't want to be with him on the stage, I wanted to say, but couldn't.

I don't have the heart to tell Mom.

Masaya siya, eh.

Masaya siya na nakarating ng graduation ko si Papa.

Masaya siya na pinili kami ngayon ng asawa niya.

I felt my Father's hand on my shoulder— guiding me to the stage.

I wanted to push him away from me.

I wanted to run away.

"Congratulations, anak."

The look on his face made me more resentful. He looked happy.