My Life Good And Bad

I don't know. I need to rant

Hi hello it been awhile but here I go again. Updating my book. Let's go.

I've been thinking about so many things at a time that it hurts sometimes and I really really don't know what to do with all of it right now. I've been feeling off in more than one way. My head and my body. I feel in a mix of emotions and I don't know what to make of them anymore. I'm so mad and angry and sad and tired. I'm angry and mad at the fact that I feel so useless right now I don't know why I just do. I can't be the kid my parents want at all. I feel like my mom wants a smarter kid with all As and more friends and so on so forth. And with my dad where can I start. A kid that stays out of trouble, gets straight As and has popular friends. He wants me to dress in pink and wear less makeup and wear dresses and to be a cheerleader and not dating the person I am now the person I love so much. And he wants so many other things that I don't want at all. They make me feel like I'm a second chance or a final chance for them to make them feel like my some thing for them to collect at the end of a race or something like that. Cuz that's all I am to them a final chance for them to feel like they did something. So they didn't fail cuz I'm just a redo that all I am an I know that. I know that for sure that is all I am for my dad but for my mom I'm not that sure but for my dad I am so yeah. And why and I'm sad well I know that I'm going i disappoint them in the end of all. Cuz I'm nothing. I can't live up to what everyone wants of me in the future. I want to drop out and get my GED and leave the hell of the high school I go to. And well you may be thinking that it's stupid that I want to do all of that. But I'll tell you why I want to do all of that.

Awhile back something went around some kids in my school on Snapchat saying horrible things about me threatening me and just giving me death threats over social media and in person as well. And I felt unsafe I turned it in I told the counselors I told teachers I told the principal even the vice principals and I even told my parents and whoever else I could. And some other kids turned it into but it didn't get solved at all. It still counties to happen. And now that I'm dating again. My girlfriend my very amazing wonderful girlfriend. Is getting dragged into it and she doesn't bother to be involved with everything that has been happening to me. And I am done with it all. And I told my mom and my dad all that happened to me and so on so forth and they don't care that all of that happened to me in the first fucking place. All they care about is me THEIR last chance on feeling like they may have done something good with there last kid they have. Which means I get to feel unsafe and hurt and so on just for them to feel like they did something. So yeah that's why I'm sad. And the reason why I'm so tiered of it all.  Is I've been trying to be a good student a good child and good partner a good sibling a good friend a good and a good wrestler and last but not least a good role model and I'm so tired of it all for once I want o relax and eat ice cream and watch cartoons with my girlfriend and just not worry about anything. That's all I want. I'm just done with it all. I just want to cry and just cry more and more. I just don't know what to do.