Ok yeah here I go again. Read don't read do whatever the fuck you want. I don't care.
To be honest I don't really know what to put here at all. I keep on messing things up with people and things and I have no one to blame other than myself. I can't seem to control myself or any of my emotions without my stupid meds but I haven't been able to get on them at all. I've been out for a long time. And I can get them filled myself so my mom has too and she hasn't. Like I get other things get in the way of doing other things you said you would do.
Like so many things have been going on. I can't sleep at night. And when I do I have a stupid nightmare that I just can't shake it at all. And not to mention my brother lost his kids. And will most likely go to jail for it. Like I wasn't told all the details about it all but so I don't know what's going to happen or what has already happened and I just haven't been told it at all. And it's not a big problem but I think my eating disorder came back. Like I'm never hungry and when I am I'm nauseous or I feel really sick. And I can't stop loosing all the weight that I worked so hard to keep on and have. Bit at the same time I don't really care. I always hated how I looked like how I looked big and how nothing fit me at all. Or I always felt like I ate to much and all of that. So I'm worried but at the same time I could honestly care less about losing all the weight. I don't like myself I hate how I look and how I'm built and I hate my stomach and my shoulders and my legs how my caves aren't matching up with my body or how thighs are to big to fit into pant or they rub together to much or how they move and jiggle and how I get bad pimples there or really bad stretch marks or how they look in shorts or anything. I hate them. I hate how chubby and fat and rounded my face is. I hate how my freckles cave all over my face I hate the scars that I have on my face. I hate how my hair line is and how it makes me look like my father. I hate my eyes so plain and sad and dead looking. They just look ugly to me. Then my hair how is hate how it grows to fast and the color matches up with my father's as well and just makes me look even more like him. Then my wrinkles on my forehead. I hate them. Then my smile lines they make me look old and fat in th face And I hate them all. And how short I am. I hate it it makes me look small and like a little kid and some much more I hate it all. Why can't I look like every other guy or person why do I have to look the way they do. Why can't I be good looking or any of that. Why can't I be skinny and short hair and so many more things what do I get stuck hating myself. Why? Why do all i see when I look at myself is a trash and a waste of space. I don't want that but that all I see. Why am I like this. I hate myself.
YOU ARE READING
My Life Good And Bad
Non-Fictionall about my life and things that I go through And some advices on how I deal with it so I can hopefully help someone out there who is in or in a worse place than I am.
