Should've slept alone (Damon Albarn)

Chapter Twelve

Happy Birthday dear Freddie, happy birthday to you.

Charlotte had to swallow hard to try and stop the tears in her eyes from falling, she just found it so hard to believe that her darling baby boy was two. As she helped him blow out the candles on the cake Damon was holding, she tried not to pinch herself, she couldn't believe how much had changed since his first birthday.

Damon wanted to throw him a huge party to make up for all of the milestones he had already missed, but Charlotte had to rein him in a bit. She knew there was no point in making a huge fuss, it's not like she really knew anyone to invite. That being said, Charlotte was still grateful that Damon had invited his parents, sister and band mates, everybody was making such a fuss of Freddie and he was absolutely loving it.

She sat down on the sofa as she took in the what was happening in the room. Freddie was passing cars between Dave and Jess as Alex and Graham messed around with one of the countless toys he had been gifted, in an attempt to get it set up and working.

Charlotte knew that there were only two people who were genuinely happy with Freddie being in Damon's life and they were herself and Damon. She appreciated everyone putting their views on the Damon becoming a dad situation aside for the sake of Fred's birthday, but it also pained her that come tomorrow, they would be back in the same position.

Much to Charlotte's relief, she felt like her social battery had been completely drained, everyone left after a few more hours. Leaving Damon's flat, suddenly, feeling very empty.

"Red and I had better get going Damon" She spoke softly, her eyes watching as Freddie's actions began to slow down, a sure sign of how close he was to falling asleep "But I can't even begin to thank you enough for today"

"Are you not going to stay?" He responded, and she had to tell herself that she'd imagined the look of hurt on his face "I made up his room and the guest room"

"Damon" She warned in response, momentarily closing her eyes, before re-opening her eyes to be met with his blue ones staring straight back at her.

"Look how tired he is" He mused, nodding his head towards Freddie, who was definitely on the verge of falling asleep "We could give him a bath and then put him to bed, save having to take him back outside"

Charlotte shook her head, though she had to quickly cover her mouth when she realised she couldn't control the smile coming over her lips. Over the past few months, she had been trying desperately to distance herself from him. She still hadn't managed to forgive herself for sleeping with him back in Devon, she just hated how attracted she was to him.

"You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?" She really wanted to try and put up more of a barrier, but she just couldn't say no to him for too long, much to Damon's delight.

"I'll go and start running his bath love"

Damon could tell that Charlotte had been acting differently, he was really trying his best to be a dad and as good a person as he could be to Charlotte, but it was just so difficult. It had only been a few months but Freddie and Charlotte had only stayed at his flat a few times, and as soon as Fred was asleep, Charlotte seemed to do everything in her power to keep her distance. Separate ends of the sofa, separate blankets and most certainly separate beds. Holding Charlotte in his arms whilst she slept and he listened to the waves crashing in the distance seemed like a distant memory for Damon now.

Though, she did always end up giving him a smile, that smile, and agree to whatever it was he was asking. And Damon was certain that that had to count for something.

"He shouldn't have had all that chocolate, he was practically bouncing off the walls" Charlotte laughed as she re-entered the lounge, taking the same seat, as far away from Damon without looking rude.

"A Freddo for Freddo" Damon grinned in response. Damon had taken to calling Freddie, Freddo, a nickname which the rest of the band had picked up on. Whilst they didn't agree with Damon being a dad, none of them could resist buying the young boy a Freddo chocolate bar whenever they knew they were going to see him.

"Shall we go out tomorrow?" He asked after the silence they'd fallen back into was too much for him to bear "I'd love to take Red to the zoo"

"Damon" Charlotte sighed, wanting to almost laugh at how often she left she was saying his name like this at the moment "You know we can't"

"No one's gonna see us" He responded, turning so he was facing her before smiling weakly "I just want us to do something, as a family"

Charlotte wanted to agree with him, she wanted to agree with him more than anything but she was desperate for Freddie to be kept a secret and more selfishly, she didn't want photos of herself to be in the papers. She wasn't completely naive, she knew they couldn't avoid it forever, but she wanted more certainty between herself and Damon before it did happen.

"There's too much hype around you at the moment" She mused, the horrible nauseous feeling rising in her stomach again at the thought of those cameras at the end of the road "Let's just give it a bit longer"

"Maybe we could go to Mum and Dads for lunch then?" He suggested, though he knew he was wasting his breath, the likelihood of her agreeing to that was painfully slim.

"Just to listen to them tell me how I'm ruining your life?" She responded sharply, not being able to help raising her eyebrows as she stared blankly at him.

"Lottie" He sighed, the same tone she had spoken to him in just moments before "They didn't say that"

"No you're right, they never said that" She corrected, laughing forcefully "They just fucking imply it every single time I see them"

Damon knew there was no point in disagreeing with her, especially as he knew that he couldn't really say anything. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd never clashed and argued with his parents as much as he currently was in years. Instead, he took the risk of reaching across to take hold of her hand, reassuringly squeezing it before she could remove it from his grasp.

Though, she kept her hand in his.