Summer Of August || RYEJI

Chapter 39

August 06, 2021

Buddy, up until now I can't believed all the truth I've heard from Sol last night. I can't fucking bring myself to believe all those things that's breaking me into pieces.

I did set aside all these boxes here in the basement because none of these has the letter that I left. Even my sketchbook isn't here.

Where the fuck is it now that I'm looking for it?

"Are you looking for this?"

My body froze and a hesitant mind won over the situation. Why do I need to feel this overwhelming feeling of sadness and raging anger together?

"Ryu—I thought I'd be watching over you from afar for long. Ryu...have you forgotten your homeland?" Sohee's voice is coming closer that's why I tried my best to swallow the lump on my throat, "In order to make Yeji happy before her death, I decided to be you and do you know what that meant? That meant having a tattoo, holding the bass, loving arts—also building my own Karaoke bar, because I'm pretty sure that that's Ryujin's dream and I needed to be her so that my girlfriend's sister could imagine you in me. I needed to do that to make my bestfriend happy. I got the face of the one she loved the most so I tried to be more than just a face of Ryujin." her hand placed on my shoulder that's why I clenches my fists but I know, I can't dare to punch her.

I hate that they lied to me...but it was all my fault why I've been lied to.

"5 years ago when we found out that Yeji has a growing tumor in her brain, it was cancerous. They tried different treatment but the tumor kept growing back that Yeji gave up on treatment. She said...she said she'll just stop the treatment so she can die with long and beautiful hair. Now..." her hands suddenly covered my eyes, feeling the falling tears, "She's got a terminal brain cancer, I'm sorry...we tried waiting for you, Ryu...you never got the chance to know how...how Yeji genuinely admire you."

With my jaw tensing and my hands clenching, I took a deep breath to gain some strength to speak. "S-She...w-what about...about..." I wasn't able to continue my words when I broke down in tears even more. It's just hard. It feels like there's tons of needles being put on in your heart. It's so hard to speak and breathe that I wanna vanish instead.

"Yeji doesn't have an amnesia but please...please pretend that you don't have any idea about her cancer. Yeji don't want you to know so please, Ryujin, please just act like you know nothing." Sohee stated before letting go off of me, "Go on...spend your days with her. Make it up to her for all those wasted years. Go...and I'm sorry for fooling you but I just want you to know that I missed you too much..." Sohee lastly uttered.

I feel so breathless...

What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong? Was it because I dated Lia? What if I just pursued my dreams and got used to my surroundings without depending to anyone? What if I did that instead?

I fell down my knees, crying myself out of this agony that's locking me too bad. Even with my blurry face, I sees the open letter on the floor that Sohee probably left before leaving me behind.

I wiped my tears with my arm enable to see things clearly. My hands are trembling while picking up the letter...the letter that I should've opened in the very first place. The letter that I should've finished reading.

Dear Ryujin,

Can you not go? Can you just stay? Can we ride the bus together again? Can we watch the horizon together, forever? I like you and I want to know you more, do you like me too? Can you draw my face? Can I show you how much I admire you? I'll wait for you at the bus stop. Please don't ride the plane, be with me in the bus instead. The bus stop where we shared our love obliviously.

Sincerely,
Yeji

"If that one soul only knew. Then there would be no need for her to wonder why the other soul kept wandering around. Then there would be no need for her to wonder why that other soul is taking so long to get back in their place."

The bus stop...

Summer of August at the bus stop—in the bus.

When my heart fell down my knee, when my heart skipped a beat and my world stopped—when we shared our love obliviously.

If only I didn't wander around...

I wondered too much why Yeji's always at the bus stop...when it was because of me. It was because I wandered for too long. She was there in the hopes of meeting me again. She was there hoping that the lost soul could find its way to that place.

But I failed her.

—🌷
TOUCH MY NECK AND I'LL TOUCH YOURS