Summer Of August || RYEJI

Chapter 17

December 23, 2016

I'm finally back in my home but I'll fly back to Boston on December 30. As usual, Mom welcomed me dearly. Dad will be back tomorrow so we'll be a complete family this upcoming Christmas.

"Just finish that one whole year and continue your study here." Mom said.

"Mom, I'll be back someday, okay? I promise I'll take care of you when that day comes." I pats her back and kisses her head.

"Why are you doing this to Mommy?" Mom faced me. I can see the woman that I adore. Eventhough I claimed that I'm a Daddy's girl, I know, Mommy is the one I idolize.

"I told you I faced a hard time abroad, right? I told you it was hard...and I don't want you to deal with the same problems I had back then." she stated while cupping my cheeks, "Baby...you're too young to take the path I once walked through."

"You walked through downfall of your life when you lived abroad but you met Dad. You told me life was hard while you two were living at an early stage, even the time we were there already but...you made it, Mom, we made it. I've looked up to you and I want to take your path." I says and cups her face, "I'm as tough as you Mom, and as wise as Dad." I said, trying to take away her worries.

"Me and your Dad grew up abroad. But I never planned this one. I never dreamed of a daughter studying abroad. Ryujin, I'm longing for you as much as I'm longing—"

I hugged her from behind before she could even open her mouth again. It's nonsense.

"You're longing for me as much as you're longing for the girl who you met in Thailand? Who taught you things? You're longing for me because everytime you see our neighbors, Aunt Seulgi and Irene, you get jealous. You can see yourself in them, right?" I whispers, "Mom...that's why Dad loves leaving home. You've always made him feel that he's not enough. That he's not worthy. Why can't you just move on? That woman is gone..." with that, I felt her hands holding mine, together with her soft cries.

Ever wonder why I knew a lot, Buddy?

At the age of 8, I found my Mom's old diary, her old buddy. I don't know how many times she had mention about the month of August in every pages. Her school would often visit Thailand in the month of August. It started when she was in middle school up when she reached her college years.

Second time of their visit, she met a girl named Lisa. A bubbly girl. Mom referred her as a happy pill, someone with high serotonin. They became friends, best friends—it stopped right there. Mom was a depressed teen back then.

"It was hard getting along with some foreign people. My family had problems, a broken one indeed. I was an introvert but that one fine day in Bangkok, a bubbly girl approached me. I don't know when and how we became friends but I just started laughing with her and for all I know, I was waiting for another August to come because I kept our promise—that we'll always meet in August." Mom stated before flipping to the next page of the photo album that she's holding, "Lisa taught me how to live when I was almost dying. I became braver because of her..." my eyes shifts to the photo. It's a picture of her and a girl. Their figures were dark because the picture was taken together with the sunset at their back.

"I was 20. Many years passed by. My whole body was cold, my hands were sweating too much. We were supposed to meet near the train station. We were supposed to go far away, to enjoy the moment—I arrived late because I didn't know whether I'd still confess or not. Weather I'd tell her that I want us more than friends...but...when I arrived, I saw nothing but a crowded place. Police cars and ambulance started arriving. I went to see what was the commotion all about and I perfectly saw her lifeless body..." Mom's cascading tears breaks my heart into pieces. I shouldn't have ask for more.

"So if you asked me to move on...I don't know what to answer because up until now, I still have my what ifs. What if I didn't think too much and just went straight to our place earlier, the usual that I do? What if I didn't mind about the confession? Are we gonna take the train peacefully? Am I not gonna witness that scene? Perfect scene that left my heart broken for years...if only..."

August. A girl. Am I really taking Mom's path? The path which brought drought in her life.

"You love Dad, right? You can't just move on from that greatest nightmare...that's that." I said before hugging her, "I know you have your regrets but I hope we're not part of it..."

Please Mom...Dad painted your sky beautifully, right?

—🌷