Summer Of August || RYEJI

Chapter 32

August 1, 2021

"Jisu-ah, can you please stop making impulsive decision?"

Jisu continued packing her things without even minding me. I know that I was so shit as a lover here. Why would I even think of the past when the present is in front of me? Why am I envious of Sohee? She's dead. I should be respecting her death and her relationship with Yeji. It was my fault why Yeji fell for her in the very first place. I got no courage before so why? Why...why would I let myself lose Jisu when she's all I ever got since my life started falling apart?

"Please...you know I was sorry, right?" I said while looking at her with my weary eyes.

"If you're sorry then come with me. Let's head back to Boston." Lia answered without even glancing at me.

How? How should I? How could I? I'll be a very bad daughter then...I'll be a useless part of the family. I came here to grieve and to take care of Mom. I know she's having a hard time eventhough she doesn't spit a word about pain. How can I leave her? I know 2 months will be somehow enough in any case but we haven't been here in two months yet.

Not yet...

"Lia..."

"If you don't wanna, then don't. I love you, Ryujin, but do you think I can't ever find a better person than you? You're not even better. All you did was to depend on me." she stated that's why I heavily breathed and walks toward the window to breathe some air.

I don't wanna lose her...

"So what if you lose her? Do you want to get tied with someone you don't love?"

How would it be?

"Ryu, choose someone you love. It'd be hard to end up with someone you don't love. I don't want you to end up like your Mom."

I don't have much idea as to how love perfectly works...but...I don't really love Lia, do I? I'm just being like Mom I guess...

Dad's family helped her when she got into her downfall abroad. Not knowing that Mom's heart was left in Thailand, Dad fell in love. The most heartbreaking part was Mom reciprocated his feelings because I know, he know, Mom felt like she owed something from him and his family. We were born because of Mom's debt, her guilt feeling that killed the living shit out of my Dad.

I know now. I understand now. I feel like I have a debt to pay for Lia since I depended on her in Boston. I feel like I owe her something that I want to repay badly.

That's why I lost myself trying to pay that...

My eyes shifts down when I sees Sol and Yeji in their backyard. They're smiling at each other with Sol holding both of Yeji's shoulder to accompany her.

"I'll book my flight tomorrow. Go get your own ticket if you want to come." Lia said, I could hear her zipping her bag.

If I choose my own life, I'd look like a fool choosing Yeji which is my sister's girlfriend. She's still Sohee's girlfriend. They never broke up. Yeji couldn't still retrieve all their memories together so their ties were never cut in the first place.

Choosing a different color to paint my sky is like choosing the one that taught me about it. I should be respecting myself and Sohee.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I think we really need to go back to Boston because this place is messing up my mind.

It feels like a nerve twitches in my brain when I witness how Yeji falls on the ground. I can see from here how her body had gotten stiff in split second—her jerky movements tells that—

"Yeji's having a seizure!" I accidentally said.

I can't see anything aside from the door right now. I need to get out of this room. I need to...

I quickly run downstairs, not minding what Lia's talking about.

Why?

Is it because of the accident? Why is she suffering too much from that accident?

If Sohee died...then no wonder why. Stop being idiot Ryujin.

I opened the front door and immediately stepped my feet out. I tried to look at their backyard when a car passes by my eyes.

"Yeji..."

I don't know whether to feel relieve or be disappointed because I wasn't there...

—🌷
i agreed to have a christmas and new year break but i ended up breaking the line. i almost thought of not updating at all because of this lazy ass.