2132:Phoenix

Chapter 15

He picked a small planet covered in grass, no major bodies of water existed but lakes were scattered all over, some were filled with ethanol or mercury, some were filled with boiling water that would melt my skin off. Calepus found a little valley wrapped in a clean running river. It flowed in an oval-like pattern but had no tributaries. During the summer it was filled by the melting mountain snow, Calepus observed, which could give it its odd properties, but the probes said it was safe. The only thing I'd have to worry about was the thinner air, but he said it was like the air in the Colorado mountains. I don't know how he found it so quickly, but I'm just glad to be off that damned ship. No more long training sessions, or watchful doctors. No more expectations to have their stupid children.

The first few nights Calepus slept on the floor in my room to make sure I didn't try to end it. I was glad he gave me space though. The ship spent as much time as it could gliding through a self-made wormhole because the planet was on the very outer edge of the known universe. People lived on Sopon, I was assured, but we'd live at least a day's flight from all of them.

Calepus said we'd arrive in about 14 hours and that we should try to sleep. When I returned from the bathroom Calepus was bedding down on the floor, but I didn't want him to.

"You... you can sleep in the bed. If you...you want," I tried failing miserably. I don't say much but yes or no anymore. The words felt right though, I missed them.

"Are you sure, Lex? I'm fine here." I appreciated the gesture, but I could see how stiff he was. He suffered to make me more comfortable and succeeded. I didn't want him to think he was failing, and... It was cold at night. The ship put less energy into heating while it jumped from wormhole to wormhole. Keeping the distances short to preserve energy.

"I'm sure." He nodded thoughtfully, pulling his bedding off the floor and onto the bed. He tucked it over me first then slid in, protecting me from falling off the edge.

"You're shivering," he worried. His warm hand felt my head, and I leaned into it. Then I scooted closer, savoring the warm hard planes of his chest. I guess stasis preserved his muscle mass this past year. His arms pulled me tighter and his heat warmed me enough to ease the insistent shivering. "Has it been like this," he whispered, shifting his legs to be around mine." I didn't answer as I pressed further into his warmth. "Lexi, you could have caught cold. I would have gotten you warmer clothes."

"I thought that if you were lying on the ground and weren't cold then it was just me overreacting." His hands rubbed my back as he pulled back. His eyes studied my face before he finely sighed.

"My biology is meant to handle extremes. Yours can handle a bit, but it can make you extremely sick after the fact... Please, Lexi, next time, please tell me. I want you to be comfortable and warm." I huffed a bit into his chest and resettled under his chin.

"So, every inconvenience and thing that makes me uncomfortable?"

"Yes," he whispered into my hair. "Are you comfortable now?"

"And tired." His hand moved so he could brush the hair from my cheek. It made a home at my neck and warm soothing pulses echoed.

"Arthur told me... he said that the pulsing was you trying to alter my mind. When your scales glowed it meant you were trying to change segments, or see old memories." I didn't know why I told him, but I wanted to know... to know why he was doing it.

"Arthur?"

"I want to know what you've been doing... Why you used to do it so often."

"Yes, when I'm recovering older memories they glow. Did you know your heart will match to the beat of someone you care about?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I began to sit up and he rolled onto his back to give me the high ground. Or at least that's what I thought.

"My ability does not just allow me to manipulate beings. I can transmit emotion as well. The pulsing is the physical manifestation, something your brain produces to make sense of the feeling; it gives a reason for the calming sensation. For many species and, I was hoping, your own, with the way your heart works, that if I produced a calm wave of energy your brain would follow that path and relax enough to talk. I don't know how to prove it to you. I know I should've asked; told you sooner." He ran his hands over his scaled flecked face and loosed a shaky breath. His hands went limp at his sides. "You were so, so terrified it was spraying from you like energy tendrils. Everything that I call holy, I can't believe fear didn't corrupt the scent." His eyes were so vacant, it was like he wasn't even talking to me anymore like he was lost in his mind. His head dipped and his eyes roved over me again.

"I was supposed to be taking care of you, and I couldn't do that. I was so afraid you were going to seize or go into cardiac arrest and they'd take you. Then they wouldn't give you back, because I couldn't take care of you the way I should. I never... never wanted to mess with your mind. I just... I guess I wanted you to tell me. I wanted to build a relationship with you." He looked up at the ceiling again and bit his lip before he continued. I didn't know what was going to come next, I don't know why I am trying to believe it, or at least think it over. The emotion was so real, but if he could produce real enough emotions to fool your brain, why couldn't he fake it now?

"I can't prove any of it, I wouldn't even know how to go about it without letting you into my mind. Even then I could alter what you saw... I should go get you warmer clothes." He pulled the covers off so none of the cold air could penetrate under.

"Arthur was the last psychiatrist, aboard the ship, that I saw. He seemed different, he didn't look like them... like you. He was a mind link, or at least that's what he said. He always knew what was on my mind, but I never knew when he was in my head, or when it was just so obvious that anyone could tell."

"Was he part Acruil?" I started ringing my fingers and nodded. He could have been in my head the whole time, and I never would have known. He could have changed things, screwed with me. Maybe Lada wasn't even pregnant, or if she was maybe she wasn't happy about it. He could have spun an entire year or month to get me to talk to him. I was just his plaything. He told them everything like a good little spy. The room started to shake a bit.

"Change...." A voice rang in my head and I covered my ears as if it would help.

"Lexi? Lexi, what's going on?"

"Can't... control."

"He's still in there, I can hear him," I screamed, their hissing was painful. They were arguing something about stress. The conversation was becoming more clear.

"I told you the link was a bad idea," it was Vinnepus. A tray clattered to the ground. Lound and metallic clangs harmonized with shattering glass.

"Do not," a voice seethed angrily. "DO NOT BLAME ME. I am your superior commander. You will fix this, or I will."

Whatever I was listening to turned silent and the world was no longer painful.

"Lexi? What happened? Are you suffering from... memories?"

"Can we talk about this in the morning? I'm tired." I wasn't lying either. Whatever that was had drained me. I could barely keep my eyes open. I slumped against my pillow and Calepus soon returned to the bed and cradled me against him.

"Alright," he nodded. Drifting off is easy when physically exhausted, but this felt like a mental drain, and it was even easier now.