𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧, 𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

chapter twenty. clueless

season one | episode nine
Feelings Are Hard

Ellie walks down the hallway with Nick as they look over to see Alice, Kyle, Dalton, and Jenny. "I'm not ready to face them," she says looking over at the group. "Alice and Kyle didn't want to be right. They just wanna be there for you," Nick explains. "But they were right. I was just as clueless as Aaron, I mean, his story has always pissed me off but I was just so fucking blind," she explains taking his hand into hers.

"I just can't breathe," she says as he nods before pulling her into an empty class. "It's okay, El," he says shutting the door behind him. "I love her, Nick. I think I love her but I hate it and not because of that being gay is bad bullshit but I feel behind. Like a kid chasing an adult around and I hate that," Ellie says sitting on a random desk.

"You shouldn't be with someone if you hate it," he says as she laughs. "But I love her. It's stupid but how am I supposed to leave her if I love her?" Ellie asks and there's a knock on the door. "Someone's in here," Nick says and the door opens revealing Jenny. "El, are you okay?" She asks as Ellie shrugs. "Can we come in?" She asks as Ellie nods before her friends creep in through the door.

"We didn't want to be right," Kyle speaks up. "I know," she says moving her hand over her face. "At least you look pretty. Like a sexy cowboy," Dalton speaks up and there's a beat of silence before Ellie laughs. "I'm so sorry guys. This is all my fault. I initiated this bullshit. I should've just stayed at home but I just wanted her attention so badly," Ellie says and she is proud of the fact that her voice doesn't break.

"This is not your fault, El," Alice speaks up sitting down next to Ellie on the desk. "I just, I should've listened to you and I was just so fucking angry I took it out on you cause you were telling me something I didn't want to hear. I mean, when did you get so wise?" Ellie asks putting an arm over her friend.

"I've always been wise, you've just never needed to be on the receiving end of my wisdom," Alice explains as Ellie digs her head into the girl's neck. "Can we just stay here for a while," she says as Nick moves to stand next to Alice. "Of course," he says as Jenny, Dalton, and Kyle all stand around the desk. "I could definitely write a book about this," Ellie jokes as a small sob escapes her lips. "Another book?" Jenny asks. "What?" Kyle asks with a small laugh.

"This bitch wrote a book and won't let me read it," Jenny jokes as Ellie laughs. "It's because it sucks. I suck," the girl says and somehow her chest feels lighter. "Well, at least you don't swallow," Dalton speaks up and they laugh. "I love you guys," Ellie says with a smile. "We love you, Ellie bellie," Alice says and places a kiss on the girl's cheek and it's okay. Ellie's still fucked up and the group along with her but now, at this moment, it's okay.