umm, so i hope a) that the sexual intimacy and tension between them finally makes sense. like it's not only the only way aryan knows how to express himself but also symbolic of Kaya's past, the history she have had b) I feel I have kept the book sufficiently slow and steady, so let me know if all of this is making sense or not???? c) i cannot determine the pace of the book from here on but it's close to end and unfolding of all the stories and truths
36. Distance
Kaya was not emotionally fragile but she was indeed emotionally malleable. Her heart couldn't be broken no more but it could still be curled & rolled into pieces and that pained just as much.
Kaya was lying on the bed, under the mellow light of the bed side yellow lamp, hidden inside the blankets, listening to the wall clock tick every second.
It felt as if she had lived a lifetime in the last thirty-seven hours yet not haven't been alive & breathing even for a second. Kaya felt she'd been numb but at the same time she'd felt bountiful of emotions.
Life was unquestionably strange, absolutely unpredictable. Kaya'd thought about this day a million of times before she came back from America, she'd played a multiple of possible scenarios in her head before beginning yet she hadn't seen this coming, everything was more bitter, more hurtful than she had ever imagined.
She felt like she had been living in a dream until a dag ago and was awaken to deal w/ the unpleasant reality. She hated it because how could Aryan feel so dreamy and nice??? How could she even attach those words with the murderer of her sister and father?? How could she mourn the loss of all her days that revolved around him??
Kaya heavily breathed, coiling to feel warmer. She dearly wished if she could get a little more time to prepare for what was coming, for what she was going to bring in her life.
The visit to her home had created a vacuum in her chest yet it felt full of grief. Her eyes had dried and she could cry no more, her lips were chapped and she could speak of her sorrow no more but it still felt so dark as if she could see everything going slowly wrong in her life.
Kaya was genuinely exhausted, she no more had any capacity to suffer but her life couldn't stop being poisonous.
Kaya remembered all she wanted to do in life was be pretty, eat cake in the sun and read books but here she was, unrepairably broken and finished, planning a brutal murder to revenge the death of her family.
Kaya wished if she did not have so much to hold onto, she wished if heartbreak left by death could be healed, she wished if memories of love could be erased, she wished if she could simply put the burden of all of this down??
Kaya did not realise but she was gradually being consumed by the world, she had started to feel like a burden to her own heart, she had begin to see the end and the earth littered with ruins of things nice to her that she'd mistaken to believe would last an eternity. And all this felt nothing but scary.
The door of the room opened and a chill went down her spine. Her eyes immediately shut in horror. She wasn't ready to see Aryan, she wasn't and in fact, she didn't want to meet him at all any more. Kaya's heart pounded crazily with every step Aryan took into the room.
Kaya wished she could die already, she hated being herself. She truly loathed how she abhorred being with him at the moment but at the same time observe how his actions slowed down & became deliberate the second he noticed she was on the bed, trying to sleep. He didn't switch on any extra lights, he did not let the water make any noise, and he didn't let the closet creek.
