little flower || narcissa black

⇸ |18| cigarettes and stars

perhaps in the end

we aren't as different

as we once thought

⇸ |18| cigarettes and stars

The two girls sat against the wall of the castle, the silence enclosing them as Narcissa felt her skin crawl with anxiety.

"Since when did you start smoking?" She asked, quietly watching as Vivian took a drag letting the smoke billow out into the cold night air around them. The girl raised an eyebrow, flicking the ash from the end.

"Since when did you start kissing muggleborn boys?" She retorted, a hint of satisfaction in her tone.

Jaw clenching Narcissa dug her hands into the dewy grass, "Boy, not boys." She corrected, causing Vivian to scoff.

"Same thing, Black," she dismissed bringing the cigarette to her lips once again, before answering her question, "fourth year, it helps me clear all the shit from my mind."

The two fell into a silence once again as Narcissa let her gaze fall upon the stars, her heart beating quickly in her chest. After being caught, she had quietly asked Cathal to leave and that she'd talk to him tomorrow; he'd been hesitant but had eventually done as she'd asked. In that moment Narcissa almost wished she'd hadn't asked him to go, needing the support his warm hazel eyes always seemed to fill her with in that moment.

"Does Lucius know?" Vivian asked quietly, causing Narcissa to close her eyes and let out a sigh as she leaned her head back against the wall.

"No," she answered simply, "tonight was the first night we'd-" she hesitated slightly as her mind immediately went to the night of her anxiety attack in the corridor, "everything else was platonic."

Vivian nodded her head slowly, smoke billowing out her mouth, "I won't tell him."

This caused Narcissa to snap her head, nearly breaking her neck, in the girls direction, shock evident on her features, "you won't?"

Vivian sighed, a deep sigh that seemed to resonate into her very soul, "I don't hate you, Narcissa." She stated simply, her shoulders shrugging, "I know it seems that way and for a while maybe I did. I was just jealous of you, but I'm not out to ruin your life."

"Because of Lucius?" Narcissa questioned curiously, knowing that was the turning point of her and Vivian's past friendship.

The girl narrowed her dark eyes thoughtfully as she took yet another drag, "Not necessarily, I never really liked Lucius. I just hated how perfect you were," she explained, "the perfect daughter, having the perfect engagement set before you. Everything fell into place so perfectly for you and trust me I heard about it more than once at home. About how respectable you were and how I should try to be more like you. I think that made me resent you somewhat," she glanced towards Narcissa, her brows knitting together, "and then Andromeda happened and I guess no matter how perfect we appear on the outside, we all have our demons to deal with."

"Will you leave?" Vivian asked suddenly, clarifying as Narcissa shot her a confused glance, "like your sister? Just go and not look back."

Sucking in a deep breath, Narcissa blew it out slowly trying to think of how to answer, "I'm not entirely sure yet, it'd change everything."

"They want me to get the Dark Mark, like my brother," Vivian said quietly, her cigarette nearly gone now, "but I think I'd rather die."

Narcissa closed her eyes, her mouth twisting down in a frown, "I don't know what I believe anymore."

"I suppose that's why we weren't put into Gryffindor, aye?" Vivian smirked knowingly, her eyes drooping with a tired sadness, "we think too damn much to be brave."

Laughing humorlessly, Narcissa shook her head slightly, "You'd think our arrogance would make up for it though."

"You should tell him, you know?" Vivian said suddenly, her voice practically a whisper, "you should tell Lucius, maybe not about Cathal, but about how you're feeling. The boy's head over heels for you even if he doesn't show it in conventional ways, it's cruel to drag something out that you know you won't go through with."

"How can I end things without disrespecting both our families?" She responded, her voice breaking slightly, "After everything with Andromeda it would shatter their hearts."

"Maybe just convince Lucius you're both far too young to be married, that you need to find your own ways." Vivian shrugged, "I think he'll be a lot more understanding than you think."

Snorting slightly, Narcissa shook her head, "have you met Lucius?"

"I have, but I've also seen the way he looks at you," she explained, "he'd do anything for you."

"Do you think that makes me a terrible person?" Narcissa asked suddenly, her consciousness oozing with guilt as she thought about Cathal.

"You're young, we've had all these ideas pushed upon us," she put her cigarette out into the dirt beside them, "it's only natural to rebel."

"Thanks, V." Narcissa stated softly.

"Be careful, Narcissa." Vivian warned, her eyes drifting towards the sky, "it'd be wise to keep your whole thing with Donovan under wraps until after the war, if he's who you want. They're killing muggleborns, you know. A relationship with a runaway Black will put him, and yourself, on the Dark Lord's radar."

"I know," chills ran up Narcissa's spin as she thought about the danger she could get Cathal in, his family in. They'd already lost so much, "Merlin, believe me, I know."

Vivian patted her leg slightly, standing as she stretched her arms high above her head. Narcissa watched her in a new light, no longer seeing the arrogant girl with a mean look and flirtatious smile, but instead she saw her in a way she never thought she would. Vivian was very much like her, a girl caught up in a war of prejudice that she had never asked to be a part of. A child who was forced to think and act a certain way, a hidden sadness in her eyes as she floated through life trying to figure out where it all seemed to go horribly wrong. Perhaps that's why she kissed the boys she kissed, to feel something other than the looming danger of the future that seemed to hang over them. A break from the constant stress of being the perfect person that was expected of you. A rebellion against the mark that they wished to ink into her skin, branding her for a cause that wasn't truly her own.

Perhaps they were far more alike than Narcissa had originally thought.

The two girls walked back to the Slytherin dorm, side by side, a content silence trailing after them.

Narcissa knew Vivian was right, she would have to break things off with Lucius soon, it wasn't right to lead the boy on when she knew it would never work out between them.

Merlin help her when she found the courage to have that conversation.