I can't stop thinking about her.
Just thinking about her, seeing her smiles at me, only for me, makes my mind go crazy. Nakakatulala. Nakaka-nerbiyos. Nakakakilig? I know this may sound weird and creepy but everytime, every single time, I wanted to see her. I started to imagine seeing her everywhere I go. At kapag nararamdaman ko na ang presensya niya sa malapit, naninikip ang dibdib ko. In a good way. It's like she's taking my breath away.
"Hello, handsome!" speaking of the she-devil.
"Ano na naman ang gusto ng mahal na prinsesa?" I asked, pretending that I am rolling my eyes, pero ang totoo, bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Na naman.
"Let's eat. Nagugutom ako, eh."
"As always." hindi pa ko nakakasagot pero nahila na niya ko patayo para magpunta sa sikat na fast food chain malapit sa university namin.
One of her annoying traits is being talkative. Sobra... sobrang daldal niya. And for someone like me who isn't fond of loud noises and voices, it is a big challenge. Surprisingly, I like her voice. I love how the way she talks. Her accent, her pronunciation, the way how the words were delivered... it turns me on. God! It really is a turn on.
"Excuse me, may sinasabi ako?!"
"Sorry," nahihiya kong tanong. God, she sounds soothing that I was so into her, wala kahit isang nag-register sa mga sinabi niya! "ano 'yong sinasabi mo?"
"Nah, nevermind."
"Ano nga?"
"I said nothing."
"Yeah, you mean the exact opposite?" itinaas ko pa ang dalawang kamay ko na kapantay ng balikat ko.
"Nothing means nothing, Ollie. Don't put words on my mouth." after that, she walked away.
"Sorry, baby." hinabol ko siya, mahigpit kong hinawakan ang mga braso niya para kahit magpumiglas siya ay hindi ko siya mabibitawan.
Natulala pa ako nang makita ko siyang naglakad palayo, kaya muntik ko na siyang hindi maabutan. Mabuti na lang hindi pa siya nakakapasok doon sa kakainan namin dahil kung hindi, malamang, hindi na naman ako makakasalo sa mesa niya. "Sorry na. I was... I was travelling. Yeah, my mind was travelling. Sorry talaga."
"You can simply tell me that you're not interested, Ollie. I won't force you to listen to me."
"I am interested."
"No, you're not. And it's okay. Hindi mo naman kailangan gumawa ng kwento o pagaanin ang loob ko para lang hindi ako magalit sa 'yo."
"Stop okay." binitawan ko ang braso niya at mabilis na hinawakan ang mga kamay niya. "Interesado ako. I'm interested with your stories. I'm interested to your hobbies. I'm interested in you. Interesado ako sa lahat ng bagay tungkol sa 'yo. Interesado ako kahit sa mga tsismis na naririnig mo kung kani-kanino, naiintindihan mo ko?" tumango lang siya.
"I'm sorry I was... spacing out."
"Bakit? Anong nararamdaman mo? May masakit ba sa 'yo? Tell me."
"See? That's why." kumunot ang noo niya sa akin. Pinindot ko ang gitna ng noo niya para mawala ang pagkakakunot noon. "I don't want you to worry. I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" with that question, I know she doesn't believe me. But I'm glad that she buys it and just let it go kahit na alam niyang nagdadahilan lang ako.
Anong magagawa ko? Should I just tell her that she's on my mind all day?
"Did I ever tell you that you are the best man in my life?" muntik na kong mabulunan ng bigla siyang magsalita.
Seriously, woman? Of all the things that you have to say? Bakit ito pa?
"I know, I'm the best."
"Ha ha. Funny!" wait, is it a joke?
"Okay, why me?"
"Hm," nilagay niya pa ang daliri niya sa noo niya, kunwari nag-iisip. "Maybe because you're the closest one I got, so far."
Fair enough. She's Miss Congeniality, in the essence of the word. Ang dami niyang kakilala, kaibigan, tropa, connections. Sa sobrang dami, pwede na siyang tumakbo ng posisyon sa gobyerno, dahil sigurado na mananalo siya. But I am not satisfied with her answer, kaya tinanong ko siya ulit. "Please elaborate."
"Ano pa bang elaboration ang gusto mo? You're the closest. You're like my best friend." Ouch, that hurts.
"Oh, no. No, no, no!" Yes, baby. Say it!
"You're like a brother to me." Damn! Sana pala hindi ko na tinanong. It stings. "You know, a kuya that needs my protection."
"Kuya nga, eh." I argued. "Ako dapat 'yong magprotekta sa 'yo."
"No. Hindi porke ikaw ang kuya, ikaw na dapat ang magpo-protekta sa akin. Seriously... who will protect you if you will protect me?" Okay, long debate... este discussion na naman ito. I have to agree now or else, I'll regret it later.
"Okay, fine. You're right. You win!"
"This is not about winning."
"Hindi naman iyon ang ibig kong sabihin."
"Yeah, right." Kuya ba talaga? Bakit parang may LQ na tayo ngayon?
Shit! Anong LQ? Hindi kayo.
"Okay, going back... are you okay being my best friend or younger sister?" parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko, nahihirapan akong huminga.
"Of course. Why not?" Ah, she seems happy with it. Seriously, what am I feeling? And why am I feeling this way? She's just a friend. She's my friend. I can't lose her. Just thinking about losing her is scaring all the shit inside of me.
"At mukhang masaya ka pa talaga, ah?"
"You're perfect. I can't lose you. You are like a best friend and a brother to me. Kapag nawala ka sa akin, I'll lose them both. I won't let that happen."
And I won't let that, too.
"I can see us growing old together. Reaching our dreams, claiming our goals, while we are building families of our own. Yes! I want that. I want that to happen. Imagine my husband and you wife being best friends, too?"
Kaya pala best man, iba ang groom. "I like you."
"I'm sorry?"
"I like you, Tyn. I really, really like you." 9 words. Words that left her dumbfounded.
And this is where my Philophobia starts.
BINABASA MO ANG
Never The Love Of Hers
Romance"Baby, hello?" I called her because I have something to tell her. I have to tell her. I must say it. "I love you." "Para kang tanga." I smiled. Genuinely. Kung ibang tao siguro 'to, magagalit o 'di kaya masasaktan ng sobra. But not me. Not to her. N...
