Reborn

Chapter 3: It Hurts

A.N. Written alongside PanFluidMe

TW: Self harm

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A few hours had passed and everyone in the family knew about what happened and no one was handling it well. They were all beyond devastated.

Mirabel had been more than just family. She had been supportive and kind and she helped keep the family together.

It just wasn't the same without her. Now that she's gone, everyone is falling apart. No one ever thought they would have to go through this.

She was so young. She still had her entire life ahead of her. A life she never got to live.

No one knew who killed her and why they killed her.

A part of each of them wanted to know who it was so they could avenge their fallen relative. But another part of them knew Mirabel wouldn't want that. She would never want them to hurt anyone for her.

She would want them to move on with their lives. None of them wanted to do that though. None of them could just simply move on, no matter how hard they tried.

Everything has just started to get better because of Mirabel. Now she was gone and everybody was falling apart.

Camilo wouldn't leave his room. Dolores wouldn't leave her room either and just spent all of her time crying, while Julieta spent all of her time cooking as a stress reliever and a way to take her mind off of what happened to her youngest daughter. There was always a cloud following Pepa and both Félix and Agustín stayed with their wives.

Luisa tried to stay strong for the rest of the family, but it was hard and she would cry any time she was alone in her room. Even Abuela was crying and not taking it well.

Nobody knew what they were going to do without her. Everyone felt empty and lost without Mirabel.

She was the glue of the family, basically. Nobody knew how this would affect the family as a whole. She was the one who kept everything together. She helped listen to when they needed to vent. She encouraged everyone to keep going when times were tough.

She was always so enthusiastic and cheerful and lively. She had the rare gift of being able to make anyone laugh.

She may not have had a gift in the sense that everyone else did, but her gift was herself, in a way. She had her amazing personality, one that's hard to beat in how amazingly sweet and caring she had been. She loved her family more than anything and was always willing to help them out, even if they had been awful to her.

They all knew they hadn't deserved someone so amazing like her. They took her for granted a little bit without realizing it until it was too late.

And yet, she had still loved them with all of her heart. She always had, despite not getting a gift and being treated terribly by a couple specific family members because of it.

Some had been supportive of her not getting a gift and still tried to treat her like everyone else. Her parents didn't care that she didn't have a gift, neither did Luisa. They still loved her and treated her like everyone else.

Camilo had tried to remain close to her. She always just pushed him away though. He didn't really know why. And now he never will know why. He had always looked up to her. She was strong and kind, despite the world seeming to work against her, and yet she always pushed him away.

He was proud of her. He just wished he had been able to spend more time with her before she...

Once again, Camilo broke down into broken sobs. He had never outright said that he was proud of her to her face. And he would never get the chance to say that to her.

He was a bad cousin to her. He never came to her for anything and didn't make it known that she could come to him about anything. He felt as though he failed her, in a way. He felt horrible.

He couldn't help wondering if maybe Mirabel pushed him away because he was a bad cousin. He didn't know exactly what he had done wrong, but he knew he must've done something horrible to make her push him away. And the fact that he would never know what it was and he would never be able to make it up to her hurt him more than anything.

He wished he could hold her and apologize for every wrong that he had done. He wished he could tell her how proud of her that he is. But he couldn't. And he would never get the chance to.

His cries echoed in his room as he hugged his knees. He just couldn't believe his younger cousin was gone. He didn't want to believe it, but he knew she was and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

For a second, his mind wondered to a certain... comfort item of his hiding away in a drawer. He debated on whether or not he should. He knew he probably shouldn't, but...

It was too tempting...

He got up and walked over to the drawer and opened it. He dug through the drawer to get to the very bottom, where it was hidden.

He eventually found it. He let out a breath of relief and pulled it out. He looked at the blade and then at his arm.

Just a few cuts wouldn't hurt... right?

He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but it was too tempting.

He sat on his bed and brought the blade to his arm. He made four small cuts on his arm.

He nibbled on an apreda that his Tía had made, already feeling a bit better. The cuts that he had just made were magically healed, not even leaving scars.

No one needed to know about this. He didn't want anybody to know about this. That would just make them more worried about him and they all already have so much on their minds.

He would just become a burden to them. He didn't want that. Everybody had a lot on their minds, especially considering Mirabel just died.

So, he would do what he should have been doing from the start, stay out of everyone's way and stand on the sidelines.

He never wanted to be a burden to them.

It wouldn't be fair to them if he was. They had bigger things to worry about. He would just get in the way.

He accepted that he wasn't ever going to be important or needed. Just someone that needed to stay on the sidelines as everyone else shone.

He just wished Mirabel was there with him. He felt lonely. More lonely than he's ever been in his entire life.

In a sense, he's always been lonely. He barely knew anyone his age as he was always taking care of little kids and no one at school wanted to be his friend.

The only person his age he knew was Mirabel. And she had barely talked to him. And now she was gone forever so she would never talk to him again.

He felt like he had failed her countless times. He would never get a chance to make it up to her. He couldn't be able to apologize to her. He couldn't help thinking if she died hating him...

Had he done something wrong?

Did Mirabel hate him?

What led to this hatred if she did?

He didn't know, and he would never find out. He didn't like thinking that his favorite cousin possibly hated him. It hurt a lot to even think about.

Was she angry at him for something? If so, what?

He knew he made a lot of big huge mistakes, did one of them offend her? He had no idea.

He stared blankly at his legs. He felt like crying again and just breaking down.

Yet, it felt like he couldn't cry anymore. He missed his cousin more than anything, but he just couldn't cry anymore.

"What do I do?"