A Grip On Reality (Destiel AU)

Someone To Confide In

I felt so alone. I couldn't help it, that's just how I was. I was sure it had much to do with my moving here to the so called "glorious" Ohio. Damn you, Ohio.

I had no one left to talk to. All these new people, I just couldn't deal. And I couldn't talk to Anna about it, the only person from Virginia I ever really talked to anymore. It was just too much. All we ever talked about were fandoms and crushes. I couldn't talk about how dead I felt inside.

So, I did the only thing I could think to do. Three a.m. call to someone I never thought I'd speak to again.

I unplugged my phone from my radio, after about ten minutes of self motivation, and went to my contacts. I couldn't call. I just couldn't. But I had to. Such conflict.

I just scrolled through my contacts up and down over and over because I couldn't bring myself to talk to her. I just couldn't. I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I wouldn't. Okay, fine.

I put my phone to my ear, awaiting an answer. And I finally got it. "Castiel?"

"Hey, Erica." I replied softly, a bit surprised to hear the sound of my own voice after so much silence.

"Is something wrong?"

I sighed shakily. "I don't know what to do. I mean... after the damn move, I just... I feel dead inside. I moved here, and... my whole life is falling apart." I was on the verge of crying, but I wouldn't.

"It'll be okay, Castiel."

"No, it won't! I mean... there's a boy. And... I think I'm getting obsessed. I - I imagine situations where we're together. I picture him in bed with me at night. I was trying to find pictures of him the other day on Google. I don't want to be obsessed, but I can't help it!" I felt so weak at this point. Broken beyond repair.

"You just have to move on."

"Move on? How the hell do I do that? I mean, after everything that happened with... Dean, I can't look at anyone like that again! I can't!"

She sighed. "I wish you would've called me sooner, Castiel. You're going to be fine. With every ending, there is a new beginning. Your life in Virginia might have ended, but you have begun a new life in Ohio. You just have to know what to do with it."

"You always treat me like you're my freaking... therapist, I hate that." I almost smiled, but I didn't.

"Shh, you'll be okay. I promise."

"I... I should go." I whispered almost incoherently.

"Cas-"

"It's almost three thirty in the fucking morning, I have to go. I... I should go." And I finally hung up.

And that was far from the last time I talked to her.

._.__._.

"What are you doing here, Erica?" I asked sternly.

"I'm here because you need me."

"No I don't. Not anymore."

"You need me, Castiel. And you don't even realize it."

"You are the last thing I need."

"Then explain to me how I'm here. I can't be here unless you want me here. And you know that."

"Why can't you just get out of my life?" I asked irritably.

"Castiel... I can't get out of your life until I'm out of your head."