A Grip On Reality (Destiel AU)

The Best Mistake I Ever Made

It was quite vivid, the dream. It looked so real. But I knew it wasn't. I'm glad it wasn't.

I walked down the hall, the same hall that it happened over five years ago. I saw him. I saw him clearly. He looked radiant.

It was Crowley.

I wanted to approach him, but just like last time, I kept walking. I remembered my exact thoughts as I sauntered down the hall.

If he says no, he says no. That happens.

I broke into a sprint back down the hallway, catching up with him. This was my moment. This had to happen.

"Um, Crowley, can we talk? In... private?" I asked anxiously.

"Uh, sure."

I knew there was no backing out now. Just twenty seconds of insane courage.

We made our way to a more private area of the hall, and I found myself struggling to find my voice. Come on, just twenty seconds.

"Uh... well, last year, at the beginning of ninth grade...-" I paused, finding myself unable to say it. Perhaps it was the look on his face, urging me to continue, but somehow I was able to confess, "I fell in love with you."

And I'll never forget the look on his face when I said that.

He chuckled awkwardly. "Um...-"

I chuckled too. "Yeah, I know. Just... let me get through this. I really need to get this off my chest. I-I couldn't eat or sleep over the summer because I can't stop thinking about you. I don't know why it was you, but I just looked at you, and I.... I need to ask you a question even though I know what the answer will be," I paused to catch my breath. "Will you give us a chance?"

"Um... no. I won't."

There it was. The thing I knew he'd say from the very beginning. The thing anyone would say in his position.

"I feel like such an idiot right now." I smiled sadly.

"Hey, that took a lot of courage, not many people can do that, so... bravo."

I was taking deep, shaky breaths. What I just did, that terrified me.

"I knew you'd say no. I just... I know you're... not the way I am, y'know? I don't even know what I'm doing. I feel so stupid."

"Hey, I'm sure you'll find someone." He tried to make me feel better.

I looked him in the eye. "I was hoping that someone... would be you."

He shook his head. "No. Sorry."

And we soon went our separate ways. I thought this would kill me. I thought it would be the death of me. But, as I walked down the hall on the way to the gym to get my schedule, I smiled to myself.

"He said no," I muttered. "He said no."

And I awoke in Dean's car. In the backseat just as I remembered. We were still on the road in God knows where.

I groaned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Minnesota?" I asked.

"Minnesota." Dean confirmed.

I sighed. "Awesome."

"We're gonna have to make a stop here shortly."

"What? Why?"

"Cause I need to freshen up. I've been on the road too long."

"You'll get used to it."

"C'mon, man. I know you wanna get to Canada pronto, but this is fuckin' exhausting. It might be your cup of tea, but believe it or not, I need some time out of this car."