A Grip On Reality (Destiel AU)

Up In Flames

(I went back and changed some stuff, cuz I'm just unable to be pleased. In the first chapter, when their favorite show, Supernatural, is mentioned, instead of Dean and Sam being on the show, it's Dina and Samantha. Yup. Gender bender. *smiley face*)

I loved him.

I hated him.

I wanted him.

I detested him.

It was an unwinnable internal battle. An unbeatable game. One that I was determined to play.

Jody checked in on me every so often. I'd tell her I felt fine, even though she could see right through me. She constantly asked me what was on my mind, but I never said. It's not something one prefers to talk about.

My heart was broken, which caused me to shut the world out, and I ran away from my problems instead of facing them, which lead to a drug addiction that lasted four hellish months, and ever since I went cold turkey, I've been living the life of what one might call a gothic whore. Yeah. Not gonna talk about it.

I just slept most of the time. That's all I could do was sleep. Sleep the day away. Sleep away the pain. I was just glad I never woke up to a wet bed. Not that I would, the state of mind I was in.

I was pretty sure I cried in my sleep. Sometimes I'd wake up with tear lines on my cheeks. Why no one said anything, I'd never know. Maybe they just didn't want to bring it up and make me feel worse.

I wished these fuckers would let me out already. I was fine now, I wasn't in any pain, physically anyway. They were only scar lines now. Just let me the fuck out.

Oh shit. What if they sent me to some loony bin? I knew I was crazy, what if they did too? The nuthouse didn't sound like a five star getaway. And I was sure it wasn't.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Please God in high heaven, if you're even there, don't let these fuckers send me to a loony bin. In there, I'll never taste scotch again. I mean, c'mon, have a heart, God. I need my medicine, y'know? I know I haven't been one of your most... faithful children, but... it's kinda hard to believe in some glorious greater force when you don't do me many favors. Ya never know, maybe I'll even see you when I get up there soon. Very, very soon. If I'm lucky."

I opened my eyes and sighed again. I looked at the fading wounds on my arms. If it weren't for Dean, these wouldn't be here.

If it weren't for Dean, Z wouldn't be here.

Castiel would still be around.

Pretty soon, the doctor informed me that my blood levels were back to normal, my blood pressure was good and other doctor shit I didn't understand. Basically, I was free to go.

I couldn't have been more eager to leave. I had to get out of this town. Out of this state. Hell, even out of this country if that's what it took. Fuck America, I'll be Canadian. Eh?

I was nearing the front door, the beautiful exit, when I caught sight of... him.

I groaned. "Dean."

"Cas. We really need to talk."

"I thought we already did that."

"Just let me give you a lift. I'm sure you don't have a ride."

"Last I checked, you were a shitty driver." I recalled all the times we would text, and I would usually say how much I wanted to see him, and I'd joke and tell him to hotwire a car and drive his ass to my place. To that, he would say he was a terrible driver. Every time.

"I've gotten better. So, what do you say?"

"Why would I get a fucking ride from you?"

"It's the least I can do. C'mon, I'd like to talk without getting cussed out."