Hōchō-Girl

Mistakes and whiskey

"As you can see I'm not that perfect. I have my past." he said while playing with the lighter.
"I'm out of words... you've been through a lot." she admits and feels bad for saying he's perfect and couldn't relate to her.
"It's alright. It payed off. The police knows my true identity now and with a little money they keep their mouth shut, you know how the exchange with them works."
"Yeah... I do. It's just that- you achieved all of that out of nowhere!"
"To achieve what I want... there were many people who suffered instead. I would never do that again if I could go back to that time. I would probably kill myself." he said and looked to the ground.

"Saitō, people will always suffer doesn't matter which path you choose..."
"Go tell that my mom." he said frustrated and an actual tear was visible in his eyes.
"I haven't cried in almost 3 years, it'll stay like that." he said and wiped his tear away.
"Why are you hiding your feelings?" she asked and stood up.
"I'm surly not hiding my feelings for you. Until you got into a relationship with Draken." he said.
"I'm not talking about that, you never told me any of that. I really wish right now that you would have told me earlier about that." she said while cupping his cheeks.

"It doesn't matter, my job is to protect you and the others and make business. There's isn't any space for my feelings."
"Really? I would tell you now that you will destroy yourself with that mindset and that this is probably the most idiotic thing on earth but I won't. I respect your decision and I don't have to understand every decision of yours as long as you're okay."
"You will never understand me y/n."
"You're probably right but we have a looot of time." she mimicked him and smiled.
"Did you know that I don't want anyone else as my vice-president besides you?"
"Go tell that Ren and Baji, your ex vice-presidents." she laughed.

"Is that the reason you came to me? To ask me a question and see if you can fall asleep better then?" he chuckled.
"Hm... it's difficult and I can't really imagine your reaction, tbh I don't even want to so I'll let it be for now."
"You don't sound really happy. Did something happen at the party?" he asked slightly concerned.
"N-no well but also uh... yes, but like I said it's not the right time to talk about that."
He comes closed and lifts up her chin.
"So we hide things from our boss now, hm?" he said calmly and stared at her from top to bottom.

"No! But I just- it's none of your business."
"After telling you about my frustrating life your concerns are not my problem? Just tell me already."
"I think you might not like it."
"You're already a couple with Draken, it can't be any worse than that." he rolled his eyes and stared at her.
"Me and Baji... but I take full responsibility for that. It was my mistake and please don't beat him up. He's a good guy."
He inhales deeply and closes his eyes.
"It's fine." he said calm and nods.
"You're kidding right Saitō..."
"You're right it's none of my business. I don't have the right to get mad at you. But I will beat the shit out of him and pretend it's my new personal training method."
"Saitō!"
"Let me have my fun c'mon love! I'm sure Draken will react worse than me."
"I actually think this is gonna be the end. He got mad when things happened with you but with one of his closest friends..."

"When will you actually use your brain?" he smiled with his eyes closed.
"I do!"
"Oh really? Now could you resist this? Use your brain, love."

"Saitō!" she tried to push him back.
"C'mon keep pushing me back but you don't even use 20% of your strength. You don't even want to push me away in the slightest bit. That just tells me that you still love me and would let me do this over and over again."
"Why are you even doing this?!" she asked and took her hands off him.
"Keisuke has potential and seems to be a good one but one day you'll have to choose. Not everyone will wait forever for you like me. Are you sure about Draken?"
"He treated me so well, until he found out... but that's my fault. Even if he overreacted, it was because of me. I don't want to hurt him anymore when my heart doesn't fully belong to him." she said with tears in her eyes.

"Then I'd suggest you to talk to him... now." he said and sat down on his bed again and lit another cigarette.
"I'm sorry Saitō." she kneeled to the ground and cried.
"Why are you apologizing to me? Wrong person darling." he said and took a hit.
"I'm sorry for hurting you as well, even if you don't tell me, I know it hurt you that I am in a relationship with Draken, that I had sex with Baji, that I betrayed you and the gang. I don't even deserve to be by your side. Why is everyone treating me so nice even though I don't deserve it at all?!"
He looked down at her and took her hand.

"You make yourself look like a fool. Stand up. Just accept it, like I did. It's all about accepting situations instead of questioning them. I'm not in the position to judge your actions when it comes to your love life, if it influences your position I will make sure there will be consequences as your boss. Don't be sorry for me but for Draken. I don't like him but in the end he's the one who will get hurt."
"Saitō, everyone has feelings. I know you don't just accept it like that, you just don't tell me. And you know what? As long as we're not in a relationship I don't expect you to tell me about your feelings and thoughts. You're right. I will talk to Draken now."

"See you then and thank you." she adds and leaves the room.
"Thank you, love." he said and she left the room.
"Pick up, pick up, pick up!" she thinks as she called Draken.
"Fuck it's 4am no wonder he doesn't pick up."
She tried once again.
"It's 4am... tell me it's something important..." he said with his sleepy voice.
"I need to talk to you now, can I come over?"
"Sure if I don't fall asleep again in that time."
"Just promise me you're not gonna lose control over yourself again."
"Hold on, what happened at Baji's birthday?" he asked concerned.
"I'll come over now." she said and hangs up.
"Y/n" he thinks and stands up.