New Start

12

                After leaving Harry, I had a lot of second thoughts about what I was doing, but I still got on the plane and flew to Ireland anyway.

                My mom and Liam were really mad at me for leaving, but I do not care about what they have to say to me about it, because this is my life, not theirs.

                When I first arrived, I stayed in a hotel, much like before, but was desperate to find something cheaper. I ended up talking to Niall, and he said that he had an extra room in his apartment that I could stay in, so I gladly accepted. I also got my job back from the library, which is actually a big relief because my body has been getting so week lately.  Even though there is some heavy lifting of books to do, most of the time I am just there behind the counter relaxing.

                It’s been another month that I have been here, and as much as I try to deny it, I know that I miss my mom and brother. I know I left them because I was mad, and I know that I still am, but I can see where they were coming from about the therapist.

                I haven’t been doing any better here than I was when I was at home. I still self-harm, and I still have the worst eating habits. That’s why my body is so weak. I lose so much blood every day, and I only eat a very small amount. I also have been having a lot of trouble sleeping, so I just take pills. I am slowly dying, but I can’t seem to care enough to actually stop.

                Much like last time I was here in Ireland, I haven’t spoken to Harry. I think about him, and get calls and messages from him, along with my mom and Liam, but I never reply. I also think a lot about what happened between us, but I know that it could never be anything anyway. He was trying to comfort me, and I let him at first, but I couldn’t let it happen more than once, because I would fall for him. Besides, by the time I return, he will have a different girl that he will actually like, and not just pity.

“Violet?” Niall asked peeking his head into the room studying me.

                “Yeah?” I asked, glancing at the clock to see that it is two in the morning.

                “Can I come in?”

                “Um yeah. Why are you up?” I asked, knowing that he sleeps so well at night, and never stays up this late.

                I watched as he moved further into the room, and sat down in front of me on the bed.

                “I haven’t been sleeping well.” He said simply, still looking at me through sleepy eyes.

                “No, I know you were sleeping Niall, I can tell.” I said detecting his lie.

                “I know.” He said, looking down.

                “It’s just that I’ve noticed that you haven’t really been sleeping. And I know you take those pills, but you are still awake.” He said, still looking down.

                I’m surprised that he noticed this, but at the same time, I’m not. I always complain about being tired, and I know I doze off a lot during the day, whether it’s at work, here, or anywhere really. I haven’t had a full night sleep since the night I spent with Harry.

                “I just have a lot of trouble sleeping. It’s nothing to worry about Niall.” I said, smiling to reassure him.

                “I know. I’m just worried.” He said finally looking up at me.