Bruised Beyond Beauty // John Murphy// The 100

Chapter 5: Lurking in the Night

Night.
It's when everything looks peaceful but feels like chaos. Courage turns to fear, strength devolves to weakness.
I hate being weak.
When I'm weak, I get attached to the people closest to me, then they leave and I break.

Stay Strong I say,
The less they know, the less they can hurt you, my mom would say as she would finish another bottle of beer.
But here I am, stuck in the woods, banished from safety, becoming attached at a girl I had hardly known a few weeks ago. The longer I'm here, and the longer she helps me, the more indebted I feel toward her. I hate owing people. It's a weakness they can exploit at anytime they wish, so long as your in debt you are powerless, helpless.

"John, I have to go back to camp for a bit. I'll see you soon okay?" Ace asks me as she picks up the bow she finished, and collecting her supplies. She's leaving, again. Ace told me about her deal with Bellamy and Clarke about making weapons. I told her it was stupid because they had just found guns and there was no need to make bows or spears; Ace however, just said she wasn't going to bring it up to them because it was her excuse to see me.

"See you later." I replied before she walked off into the forest. She probably would stay the night at the drop ship after and come in the morning. She comes here in the morning, stays all day and then leaves at dusk before repeating it all again the next day. In a way I feel grateful for that because she only sees me when I'm awake and have what little power over myself that I don't when I'm asleep.

Nightmares haunt me in the night. Twisted memories of my family before it was destroyed, then after, memories of my rotten childhood, then in jail, Memories of my floating, then Charlottes. Every night nightmares haunt me and every night I'm powerless to stop them.
They started happening after the first night on my own. I've never been completely alone before, someone's always been only a door or two away. Here there's no one for at least a mile, and if they are, they are not friendly. I'm still not sure why Ace is helping me, no one helps just out of good will, they always want something.
That's the thought that I fall asleep too.

Don't trust anyone.

The words echo with different voices as I drift into darkness inside my hollowed tree, wrapped in Aces blanket. Loneliness envelops me just like the fabric, emptying my heart of anything I had felt the previous day and suffocates it with a hollow pain.

"Just go John, no one wants you here."
Hexters mocks as he shoves me backward sending my 14-year-old frame into a punch bowl, soaking me in the sticky red liquid. It was my birthday today and I was old enough to go to dances. I hadn't thought the tall, stocky, raven haired boy who tormented me would be here. Laughter fills the room as familiar faces turn to look at me; Clarke, Finn, Bellamy, Well, Octavia, Jasper, John, Monty, and Ace, all staring at me, as Hexter shoves me into the elevator.

"You stink, go shower looser. " He says as the doors shut, sending me back to the level where my living space is. Tears stream down my face as I walk through the doors into my family's apartment as a vile feeling crawls up my throat before I'm doubled over the toilet emptying the contents of my stomach.

"John are you alright?" My dads voice rings out as the bathroom door swings open. I keep my eyes on the floor as he walks over to me before picking me up from the floor and carrying me to my room. My dad was a big man; tall, broad shoulders, muscular, and twice my size, there was no wondering why he was chosen to be Chancellor Jaha's body guard. He places me on my bed and I notice that I'm completely clean and in my only set of pajamas. We weren't rich or had nice things like other officer family's but we had enough.

"Looks like you need some medicine Johnny" He says as he pulls out a tube of Ginger extract medicine and puts some in my mouth, telling me to swallow it quickly so it didn't taste as bad. I do as he says and just before I ask him where he go it, he gives me a half smile before a loud bang on the door emits from the living room.