Heartbreak Weather -N.H

memories come in flashes

Chapter 37

February 23, 2019

Skylar's POV:

I'm pacing around my room going crazy. My day already feels off. I think it's because I know I'm seeing my mom today. Not necessarily that part, but stepping foot into Stella's home as well. My mom hasn't touched her room and I'm thankful. The last time I went into that house was before Stella passed away. Family game night. Every time I have seen my mom she either came to my apartment or went to Harry's house. I'm just scared. I know memories are going to hit me like a train and I'll crack.

Stella wasn't just my sister, she was my best friend. We told each other everything, well almost everything. She is nosy so her nose was constantly in my business. I miss it so much. I'd do anything to have her back. I have journals in my nightstand that I write to Stella in. Writing to her makes me feel like she's still in the loop. I make sure to bore her with all the details. She wouldn't have minded though, she loves details. I haven't written in a while. Maybe writing here soon will ease me a little more.

I haven't been home in a good amount of time. Even the drive there will spark memories. Thinking of Stella, Harry, and I singing songs on our way to my parents. Stopping to get food per Stella's request even though we would be eating dinner once we got there. It's just little things. The most connected I've felt towards Stella since she passed was when Niall took me to the planetarium.

Stars and space was our thing. We both enjoyed it so much. For Niall to look at my bookshelf, notice all my books about stars, then take me there because he thought I would enjoy it, means a lot. He notices things, he pays attention. He did that even when he was a dick. The night I drank way too much and got sick he stayed in my room to make sure I was okay. That morning when he was talking to me his eyes stayed on that bookshelf nearly the whole time. I didn't think he was actually taking in everything that was on it.

When I first met Niall I couldn't stand him. I thought he was full of himself. Then he yelled at me for pictures that weren't my fault and then apologized. It was like at that moment he flipped. If he's scared it's okay, we can be scared together. I never thought the man that messed my name up twice would become so important to me. I miss him when I'm not with him. I miss his touch, his smile, his laugh. I miss his jokes he tells that make himself laugh. He looks at me with this sparkle in his eyes and I get lost in them. I just want to be with him all the time.

I sit down on my bed lost in my thoughts about Ni. The things I feel for him I couldn't even begin to explain. He comforts me and lets me talk. He doesn't put me down for the things I feel, he lifts me up. I trust him.

I smile thinking of how far we've come in a short period of time. I didn't think any of this would happen, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

"What are you lost in thought about petal?" Niall asks walking into my room. He squats down in front of me and stares at me with those beautiful blue eyes.

"Stella, going home to see my mom," I take a little break then say, "you."

His eyes light up and he grips onto my hands that are placed on my thighs.

"Do you want to talk about any of those things?" He asks giving me the option to talk to him.

I shrug, "just nervous."

"Hey it'll be alright petal. Harry and I will be there. Your mother will be so happy to see you. You got this, you are so, so strong love," he nods and smiles. I know he's right. I nod my head at him and grip tighter onto his hands. I feel myself relax just from holding onto him in some way. I think he notices because he grins at me. His bright and beautiful smile that's like no other.