Angels | Ghosts Of The Past 2 [BoyxBoy] ✓

53. King Shit.

Chase.

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Loren and I are sitting outside together after dinner. The sun is still shining and we're drinking fresh lemonade.

"So, I decided I'm not going to college." Loren says suddenly, her face neutral.

"What?" I look at her, feeling super concerned.

"Yeah." She nods. "I don't know how I thought I could do it in the first place. Every time I'm in Connecticut I miss Rose like crazy.." Loren looks really sad.

I wrap my arms around her. 

"It just hurt being away from her. And it was so hard to focus on school when I was constantly worried about her or missing her..." Loren takes a deep breath.

"I really wanted to go to college and get this big career and everything. But every sign was just telling me to go home. Rose needed me and so did you and Sky.. The first few months in I already knew it wasn't working but... mom kept pushing me to keep going."

"We all pushed you."

"But you meant well. And you gave me a choice. Mom just always wants us to do things her way and when we derail from that plan she gets upset." Loren shakes her head. "After what she did with you I just realized I'd been seeking approval of someone who I didn't need it from."

I can relate to that. 

"Speaking of which, have you talked to her since it happened?" Lorens asks.

"No. You know, I just disappear when she comes over and when she calls I decline. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk to her again." I answer.

Loren nods.

"You never said you weren't feeling good at school."

"Well, I told you about my breakup and you basically said I didn't have the right to feel bad." Loren says.

I was a real jerk about that. I feel awful.

"I was wrong. I was kinda jealous.. I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

"Jealous of what?" 

"Well, everyone loves you, Loren. It all just comes so easy for you. Take Aron and Sky, I had to bug them for over a year before they started liking me. You don't have to try."

"I do have to try, though. I always feel like I have to put on this act. Well.. I don't even have to put it on now anymore.. It just happens.. Maybe I'm just so used to it by now that I don't even consider talking about certain things. The heavy things, I guess."

Sounds like I'm not the only one who felt our mom's pressure. It always seemed so easy for her.

"Even with us?" I ask.

"It's a bad habit."

"You can trust me. I promise I'll listen to you next time." 

Loren smiles at me softly. 

We share a long embrace. 

× × ×

The next morning I bang on Aron and Sky's door since I forgot my key. 

The door opens. 

"What is your problem?" Sky says looking very sleepy and very grumpy. 

"What is your problem? You look like you haven't slept." I go on inside. 

Sky closes the door behind me and leans against it. 

"Rose is teething, Aron is cramming and I'm trying to write." Sky says in a low voice before slamming his head against the door. "I'm exhausted."