Angels | Ghosts Of The Past 2 [BoyxBoy] ✓

23. Sorry

Chase.

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"Loren, I'm so sorry!" I cry from the other side of the door. I'm sitting on the floor at this point. I've been here for half an hour now.

"I forgot all about it. I'm sorry!" 

She doesn't respond and her door is locked so there's no way I can come in. 

I wipe my tears and new ones immediately roll down my cheeks. 

"Please, Loren. Just let me in." 

The door swings open. 

"If you really cared, you wouldn't have done this." Her look is so cold. It takes a lot to get her this angry. 

"I told you, I forgot!" 

"How could you forget! I sent you a bunch of texts!" 

I was too drunk to even read them properly and by the time I was sober enough it was already too late.

"I know, I.."

I can't tell her. She would tell dad and dad would just freak out. There's so much I'm keeping from her I just constantly feel terrible when I'm around her because of it. But if I tell her about me and Sky it'll break her heart. If I tell her about Kev she'll scream at me. And it'll all just be another burden on this family because of me. My mom would probably implode.. I'm driving everyone insane. I just need to keep this to myself and find a way to get it together.

"Tell me what's wrong with you!" She demands. 

"I just.. I just wanted to fit in. Everyone was drinking and I didn't want them to think badly of me." 

"Well, now dad, mom and I all think badly of you. Congrats." Loren goes back into her room. 

I get off the ground. "I'll do better." 

Loren grabs her suitcase. "I don't have time to wait around for that, Chase."

"You're going back to Connecticut?" She was supposed to stay the weekend.

"I have a lot of homework." She brushes past me and walks down the stairs. 

I have nothing else to say other than I'm sorry, though she's tired of hearing that. 

I lean against the wall and close my eyes.

× × ×

My arm looks like a fucking battlefield at this point. One more wouldn't make much of a difference. 

I push the blade inside. Adrenaline rushes through my body as I watch the blood seep out of my arm. I go in again and again. I'm filled with hate and disgust at myself.

Get it together, idiot.

You're hurting everyone you love. My thoughts accuse.

The thought that I'd be better off dead crosses my mind again. I move the blade to my vein and my hand's shaking. 

One move and it's all over.. Death is always looming at the back of my mind somehow, flirting with me, trying to pull me to it's side. How sweet it would be if this was all over. If I could finally rest in peace.

I slap myself mentally for even thinking that. I remember last year. I remember how many people I hurt by doing that. It would be selfish to. Loren called me selfish and rightfully so.

I push the blade into my arm, deeper this time. Hot tears roll over my cheeks and into my bloody lap.

"Chase! Jennifer's here! Are you coming down to say hi?" My dad calls.