Second Chances: An Unexpected Angel

Chapter 42

That afternoon, Abby came over for lunch, and I spilled my guts to her. I told her all about the nightmares, and how I was really feeling.

"Do Hayley and Sméagol know about this?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I don't wanna tell Hayley. I already feel like I'm a burden to her. I don't wanna unload another one of my stupid problems on her."

"What about Sméagol?"

"I was gonna tell him last night... until I heard him crying in his room. I guess he's having his own nightmares. I didn't wanna make things harder on him."

"Is he still upset about what happened in the park a few weeks ago?"

"I don't think it's really that. I think it brought up a lot of things for him, a lot of memories."

"It triggered him."

"Exactly. He's his sweet, happy, cheerful self during the day, but I guess, at night, he's struggling just like me."

"Well, I mean, you don't feel like he's making things harder on you when he talks to you about it, do you?"

"No."

"Then, I don't think it'll be a problem if you talk to him about your problem."

"I don't know, because his pain is way worse than mine, way worse. I don't think I could ever tell him what I'm dealing with, not right now."

"And, maybe it'll go away soon."

"That's what I thought, but it's been three fucking months, and I'm still being tormented by this heartbreak. I even tried to write a song this morning, hoping it would help. I wrote the song, got all my feelings out on paper, but it didn't do anything."

"Maybe you should try deleting Logan off your friends list."

I sighed heavily. "I... I don't think I can." I knew she was right, but something was still stopping me. The thought of cutting him out of my life completely still devastated me. "I know I should," I said, "but... I feel like... as long as he's still on my friends list on Facebook, he's not completely gone. If I delete him, he's gone forever... and I don't know if my heart can take that right now. I still miss him. I still love him. I know he's never coming back, but... I can't get over these stupid feelings for him. He was in my life for so long, and we've been through so much together. Then, it ended so suddenly, so out of the blue. It completely jolted me. Now, he's with another girl after telling me he's not ready for a relationship. None of it makes any sense. I have no answers, and it was too fast. It happened way too fast, the ending... and after. I know I should just cut him off. I just... can't... not yet anyway."