Second Chances: An Unexpected Angel

Chapter 68

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!! MENTION OF ABUSE & SELF-HARM!!!!!

After it was over, Sméagol lay next to me, wrapped his arms around me, and held me against his bare chest as we both tried to catch our breath.

"Holy shit, that was amazing," I panted.

"Yes," Sméagol agreed, "incredible it was, Precious."

"Was this your first time?"

"Yes. Yes, it was."

"Damn, Sméagol, you seemed like you really knew what you were doing. How did you... know what to do?"

"I follows my heart."

I smiled, completely awestruck. "Wow, well, you have a smart heart."

Sméagol giggled. "Was it your first time, too, Precious?"

"Second."

"Who was first? Was it Logan?"

"Yeah, it was."

"Was it as good?"

"Nope. I mean, it was great. Don't get me wrong, but..." I beamed at Sméagol. "It was nothing compared to this, because... I didn't love him nearly as much as I love you."

Sméagol smiled warmly. "You loved him a lot, did you?"

"Yeah."

"But, you say not nearly as much as... you love Sméagol?"

"Nowhere near as much, not even close. I've never loved anyone this much."

"Awwww."

"Hey, Sméagol?"

"Hmmmm?"

"What did you see... when you saw my body? Like... did you see all the... all the flaws?"

"What flaws, Precious?"

"Like... the extra weight and pimples and... my scars?"

"Yes, Sméagol see them, but... why does it call them flaws? Only part of you they are, Love."

"Do you think they're... ugly or disgusting or gross?"

"No. No, not at all, Sweetheart. Nothing about you is ugly or nasty. Only beauty Sméagol sees when he looks at you."

"Only Hayley knows, but I'm really self-conscious about my weight. I've been called fat before, been told that I need to lose weight."

"It's not true, my love. You are not fat, not ugly at all. So lovely you are."

I smiled brightly. "Thanks, Sméagol."

"Where did it get its scars?"

"I..." I hesitated, still ashamed to admit it out loud. "I used to self-harm."

"Self-harm?"

"Cut myself, scratch myself, sometimes slap and punch myself, too."

"SIB?"

"No, I don't have SIB."

"Why did it self-harm, Precious?"

"I, um... I used to do it as a way to punish myself."

"For what?"

"For screwing up."

"I don't understands."

"I, um... I used to be in an abusive relationship."

"With Logan?"

"No. It was before Logan, a few years back. His name was Kai."

"Kai?"

"Yeah, Kai Arbour. We were together for a few months, but... in that time, he did a lot of damage."

"What did it do to my poor baby?" Sméagol asked in the sweetest tone.

"Well, he, um..." It was still so difficult to talk about, but I knew I could trust Sméagol. "He hit me, called me horrible names like... retard, blind bitch, ugly fat prude, because I didn't wanna have sex with him. I wasn't ready, but he kept pressuring me. Every time I said no, he insulted me. He called me disabled, said nobody would ever love me, because I'm too fucked up." I began to tear up. "When he was in a good mood, he was all sweet and charming, but... when he was in a bad mood, I was his emotional punching bag. The slightest mistake would set him off. Eventually, I felt like... the only way to stop him from hitting me was to... hurt myself instead. So, every time I screwed up, I would beat myself, cut and scratch myself, slap myself, all that fun stuff. It didn't always work, but... by the time I finally broke up with him, I... already became addicted to hurting myself every time I made a mistake."

"Awwwwww," Sméagol said sadly, caressing my head and shoulders, "my poor Precious." He held me closer. "Sméagol so sorry." He looked me in the eyes. "Sméagol never do that to you, Baby. You knows that, doesn't you?"

"I know you wouldn't. You're too sweet and kind."

"No, Sméagol never hurt Precious Cheyenne, never."

I held onto him. "You wouldn't hurt a fly."

Sméagol smiled sadly. "No, never." Then, he changed the subject. "Did Cheyenne see Sméagol's scars?"

"Yeah, I did," I said sadly.

"What did it think?"

"Well... since I know where they came from... seeing them up close was heartbreaking for me... but at the same time, it's really beautiful, too. I mean, knowing how you got them really breaks my heart, but... they're your battle scars. They're like little stories from your life written all over your body, stories of your struggles and horrible things you went through, and how you survived them. You came out even stronger. Your scars are beautiful, because they're a symbol of your strength and courage."

"Oh, Sweetie!" Sméagol cried, hugging me tightly again. "Bless you. Bless you from the bottom of my heart, my precious."

"I only wish I could've been there for you through it all, like when Sauron found you."

"What would it do?"

"Honestly... I would've told you to run for it, and let him torture me instead."

Sméagol's jaw dropped open in shock. "What?!"

"That's how much I love you," I said, tearing up again, "I would take the fall for you."

Sméagol suddenly burst into tears. "Oh, Precious," he sobbed, wrapping his arms and his legs around me, holding onto me for dear life. "Sméagol wouldn't let that happen to you, no."

"But, I wouldn't wanna leave you," I wept.

"I wouldn't, either, Baby."

"I would do anything for you, Sméagol, anything."

"Awwww, Baby!" Sméagol kissed my forehead and my cheeks as he continued holding and caressing me. "Sméagol do anything for you, too, Precious. I loves you so very much."