Natasha Romanoff OneShots

incorrect quotes - NR

procrastination at its finest
I might do more, but rn i'm tired soooo...

Nat: It wasn't my fault...
Y/N: They're dead
Nat: They ran into my knife
Y/N: You stabbed them?
Nat:
Nat: They ran into my knife... 10 times

Y/N: HOW DARE THEY!
Nat:
Y/N: THEY SOLD OUT OF NACHOS! ON TACO TUESDAY
Nat: [slowly pulls y/n out of the store]

*at stark's party*
Y/N: [drunk]
Y/N: EVERYONE HERE IS GAY
Stark: what?
Nat: Oh god
Yelena: Why?
Nat: here she goes
Y/N: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK
Y/N: SO ALL I SEE IS GAYYYYY

Y/N: i can't find my phoneeee
Nat: Lemme call it
Y/N: No wait-
phone ringing: ThAtS tHE wAy We BeCaMe tHe MaRvEl BuNcH
Nat:
Y/N:
Strange: you've done it now

Y/N: and then so I said-
Nat: you're not gonna let me die in peace are you?
Y/N: I'm not gonna let you die, period.
Nat: *eye roll*
Y/N: Anyway, so...

Bucky: I sleep with a gun under my pillow
Yelena: I sleep with a knife
Y/N: Ha pathetic
Bucky: Oh yeah? what do you sleep with
Y/N:
Nat:
Wanda:
Y/N: *mumbles* Nat and Wanda

Y/N: due to personal reasons I will now be sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a metal box
Wanda: Nat said I love you and you said thanks, didn't you?
Y/N:
Y/N: the reasons are personal

Tony: how y'all taking your coffee?
Steve: standard black thanks
Wanda: I'll have tea actually
Peter: I guess i'm still not allowed?
Stark: No
Nat: bitter, like my soul
Y/N: *running past* SHE LIKES CINNAMON BECAUSE IT REMINDS HER OF CHRISTMAS!

Y/N: [crying in the corner]
Yelena: psst- what's wrong with Y/N
Nat: she stepped on a ladybug and is now cradling it's dead body
Nat: But i don't have the heart to tell her it's actually a red skittle

Nat: what do you think I am, 5?!
Y/N: Yeah, 5 feet tall!
Nat:
Y/N:
Y/N: sorry, that was a bit mean

*y/n has fire powers*
Nat: I really like someone but i'm worried about telling them incase they react badly
Yelena: Just rip the bandaid off
Nat: It's Y/N
Yelena: put the bandaid back on

Y/N: [places a +4 uno card down]
Nat: [picks up $200] I passed go!
Yelena: [adds an ace of spades to the pile]
Wanda: [puts down a pokémon card] SNAP!
Clint:
Clint: what the hell are they playing

Y/N: [on google]
Y/N: hey did you know that kissing burns 6 calories a minute? Nat, wanna try?
Nat: Did you just call me fat?

Nat: [angrily pours her cereal]
Clint: jeez, what's up your gay ass this morning
Wanda: y/n
Tony: [chokes on coffee]

Y/N: [whisking frantically]
Yelena: You ok?...
Yelena: what's with the pancakes?
Y/N: I need Nat to be gay
Yelena: huh?
Yelena: babes she's never been straight
Y/N: PANCAKES DON'T MAKE YOU GAY?

[holds up a Nat doll]
Y/N: Oh my god! They do life size avengers figurines
Y/N: [holds up a Steve doll]
Y/N: oh wait never mind-

[y/n faintly yelling in the distance]
Y/N: Die! Die! Die! Die!
Everyone else:
Bucky: did someone break in?
Nat: no. there's a fly

Tony: Ok so there's 4 ways we can do this
Steve: and they are...
Tony: The right way, the wrong way, the Y/N way and the Nat way
Everyone: ?
Tony: first 2, pretty self explanatory. The Nat way is just a quicker and better way, and the Y/N way includes a drive through to McDonald's half way through.
Peter: I VOTE Y/N
Y/N: Get in there Spidey!

Y/N: [using scissors in mid air]
Nat: you good?
Y/N: I'm trying to cut the sexual tension
Y/N: but my scissors are blunt
Nat: [smirks and raises one eyebrow]
Y/N: STOP ADDING TO IT

[on board the quinjet]
Nat:
Steve: Take your feet off the dash
Nat:
Steve:
Y/N: [runs over, sits on nat's lap and puts her feet on the dash]
Steve: fuck this shit

Steve: So we've got a new assignment-
Y/N: OH MY GOD
Everyone:
Y/N: Jurassic park is reopening-
Y/N: If you listen closely, you can head the dinosaurs talking
Steve:
Bucky:
Nat: that's my girl

Nat: [passing y/n a widow bite]
Nat: ok, whatever you do don't-
Y/N: [activates it]
Nat: -activate it
Nat: shit
[5 mins later]
Y/N: why don't they make vibrators out of those things