Natasha Romanoff OneShots

Enough (2) - NR

warnings: panic attack, negative thoughts
word count: 1.6k

~~~~

Y/N POV:
I threw off my hoodie, leaving it in front of my door as I raced over to my mirror. I usually keep it covered up so I don't have to see myself, but I needed it now. I tore the sheet down, and was instantly met with my tear stained face staring back at me. I saw my body standing there in just a sports bra and leggings. My eyes travelled lower from my face, landing on my stomach as I reached down, pulling and grabbing at it. I felt hot tears run down my face, and my chest felt tight. It was like the air had been sucked out of my lungs, leaving me stranded and struggling with no breath at all. My hands moved quicker and firmer, leaving red marks all over my stomach as I began to panic.

I couldn't see those "nice abs" that Sam referred to. All I could see was fat. "Lazy." "Overweight." "Useless." That's all I could see and it's all I could hear. My chest was heaving, desperately trying to bring oxygen in, but it didn't work. My legs became weak, causing me to sink to my knees as I let out a heart wrenching cry. My hands were moving on their own accord, pulling at the skin on my arms, chest, stomach and thighs. Anything they could grab on to. I couldn't see straight anymore. I was quickly losing control. I couldn't focus my eyes and black spots danced in my vision, creating a network of stars. The tears came thick and fast as I cried out again, screaming to try and release the pressure building up in my chest.

Nat's POV:
I bolted up the stairs, cursing Stark for making the living quarters on the 10th floor. I made it to the girls' corridor as I heard the most heartbreaking sound. I thought the bedrooms were soundproof, but the sound of Y/N's cries echoed loud and clear through the walls. I sped up, trying to get to her door as quickly as possible.

I paused for a minute, trying to listen for anything Y/N was doing before I entered. All I could hear were sobs, so I slowly opened the door as to not startle her.

The sight I was met with was enough to make me tear up. She was on her knees, grabbing and pulling at her skin as she frantically rocked back and forth, her breathing laboured and her cries thick and strained. I ran straight over to her, picking up her hoodie from the floor as I went.

I instantly dropped to my knees, wrapping my arms around her. I felt her tense, so I turned her away from the mirror and placed her head on my shoulder. I could feel her shaking, and her chest jumping as she struggled to breathe.

"Hey hey Y/N look at me." I grabbed her hands in mine to stop her from clawing at her skin. Her head was down, so I placed my fingers under her chin, bringing it up to my face.

"Look at me. It's ok. It's ok. You're ok. Just breathe with me. In... out... in... out" Her eyes struggled to focus on me, but I could tell she was trying. Her breathing was still shallow, so I blew on her face in attempt to cool her down.

"Hey Y/N. Copy me. Blow on my face detka. Like this." I blew gently onto her face, and then gestured to her to do the same. She did the same, although it was weak. Her breathing had slowed down a bit, but she was still shaky. Her hands wouldn't stop moving, so I turned over her palm and started tracing the lines, trying to calm her down.

Y/N POV:
I thought Nat would be the last person I wanted to see, but having her hold me tight in her arms helped me calm down a lot. She was tracing shapes on my palm, and it worked in distracting me a bit. But I didn't see why she wanted to help. I've seen myself in the mirror. I'm useless. Why would she want to be seen with someone like me?  A perfect human like her shouldn't have to put up with a lazy freak like me.

"What happened back there Y/N?" Nat's husky voice pulled me out of my thoughts. It was laced with worry and I couldn't look her in the eye.

"I- um- i-i don't know" i muttered, my voice hoarse from crying. I didn't want to admit why I ran out, not to her. Not yet. She would think I'm pathetic.