I think there is no such thing as perfect. Nobody can be perfect. I'm not perfect, the girl you think is perfect isn't perfect. Wanna know why? The girl you think is perfect probably goes to sleep with makeup stains covering her cheeks. The guy of your dreams probably goes home and marks up his arm, why do you think he's always wearing the jacket? It's not for football.
It's Monday and I started school again. It seems like yesterday I was walking into the gates of my school and watching all the new people scurry around. I remember on my first day of school I sat next to this one kid that everybody knew, I mean I knew him but I never talked to him. He was pretty cool during our first few months of friendship then things got out of control and he stirred things up. With only 8 weeks left I ask myself the same question over and over again.
"Where would we be?"
I don't even wanna mention your death. It's to hard for me to be honest. I didn't go to school on that day anyway. I realized in order for me to be happy and content with myself I have to let you go. The sad thing is, I can't. It's impossible.
Sometimes I sit and talk to you, I mean if you listen. I tell you about my day and how much I love you. I basically tell you everything I don't mention in these letters.
I talked to Aiden for the first time in a couple weeks I asked him how he was holding up and he just gave me a shy smile and said "good." Nothing else. There wasn't even an "I miss her." Or a "I loved her." When I read your letter I was shocked because he treated you so well when I was around or when your parents were near but at the same time you always told me "You don't know the half of it." Were you trying to tell me?
My friend I don't know what's going on with me. I blame you for my sadness and I don't see what I'm doing wrong. Partley because I don't even know. I tell myself every night that I'm going to be happier and everything will go back to normal but after a person dies things are never normal. My friend I promise you so many things but I never keep them. It's like you promising that you were always going to be here for me. It's just my way of giving back.
Do you remember when my grandfather passed away and I didn't want to move but you made me get up and see the sun? Do you remember when you got mad at me and told me "Well nobody cares that you have to go to your grandpas funeral." Remember that? I remember a lot of stuff. I mean I have a lot of free time now. The doctors asked my mom if I need to be put away but she insist. She thinks it will pass. She's stupid.
The sun came out today so the moon could sleep for a while.
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My friend I love and miss you. I'll see you soon.
