As much as I want to say I'm okay, I can't because I would be lying. I keep imagining you here with me at this moment. All of our memories just come back, like the time where we sat on my couch and I sat there facing you, telling you about my problems and you would just sit silently. I miss how we would go everywhere together even if your boyfriend was with us. I miss how you would wake me up on the weekends, forcing me to go to that party knowing I would have a good time. My friend I just miss you in general.
I saw him for the first time last week, he kept making eye contact with me. I tried avoiding it I really did but I miss him a lot. We have had many arguments before but some how I always end up forgiving him I don't know why, maybe I just need his presence in my life. My friend he's disappointed in me I betrayed him, I told her everything and she knew it all along, she told me he was bad news. The funny thing is I don't get butterflies when I walk past him I actually want to stab him. My friend he has hurt me so much it's deadly.
I got bad news this week, It's sad news actually. My grandfather is going to die! I don't mean to sound so blunt about it, but I don't know how to put it. I love this man with all my heart, I grew up talking to him, sitting on his lap, and giving him kisses. I grew up to a father figure, my dad has done a good job but man my grandfather. I grew up seeing him when I did see my dad. I grew up to him giving me hugs and telling me it's going to be okay. I don't want him to go, but then again who does. I want him to see me fail and help me back up telling me I'm going to make it and I'ts going to be okay. My grandfather is weak, God must want him very badly maybe if I prove to him that he can do better he wont take my grandfather. My friend I love him, but it's his time.
My friend I don't know what to write. I have so many things bottled up inside that need to get out but It's stuck, kinda like a little girl with a big voice and now words. My friend I want to cry, but I would just flood the town. Ha remember when we flooded my bathroom? I miss you. My friend I need a beer, the taste of his words are lingering on the edge of my tongue. My friend I need you, I need you to hug me and tell me that I'll be okay. I need you to tell me that things will get better even if you aren't telling the truth.
I made some new friends this year. It's quite nice actually I talk to all of them. People think I'm a bitch because I tell people how I feel. It's okay I promise. I want this year to be over, I'm only on the sixth week of school only thirty-two more weeks to go. I need to leave, I need to breath. I can't that's the problem I feel stuck but I'm not. I'm surrounded by people who love me. While I'm here writing a letter to a dead person. God I need help. My friend I need help I'm screwed, this life will continue to kick me around.
My hands are no longer useful, everything I touch dies just like a flower with no water. My voice is no longer useful, nobody hears me I'm like a singer who doesn't know the words to their own song. My feet are no longer useful, I have no more motivation to get up and do my normal routine Kind of like a teacher with no students. The only thing useful is my body, only because people can't see what I'm hiding on the inside which is a broken heart and broken bones.
My friend I could go on and on about how much I hate society, but what would I tell my therapist? My friend you need to come back! It's boring here. I see him crying because he couldn't help you. He cared about you. A week before your birthday he wanted to take you on a(n) vacation, just you and him. Romantic isn't it? My friend you screwed things up. The kid's at school are all tired and lonesome. Even your bullies miss you, I say fuck them. My friend the past can not be changed and that sucks. My friend I want to hug and kiss you write now and have you wrapped in my arms. I have to go now, I miss and Love you.
