Faked for you

Chapter thirteen

Ellies POV.

Miles tried to make me smile by making a joke about knocking on several doors just to find me but I couldn't smile. I haven't been able to for the past ten days since that weekend with Miles family. I didn't know what to do or what to say but all I know was that what was about to happen between us is going to hurt like a bitch, I do know that.

"Miles, please just leave me alone" I sigh. I attempt to shut the door but when he pushes past me and comes right in I don't even bother getting upset.

"I have Ellie! For the past ten days I have left you alone but god I can't take it anymore!" He's yelling at me, why the hell is he yelling at me? "I'm here to say that I've never been so sorry in my entire life other then this moment. I'm sorry for giving you hope that I could do anything more then fake it with you Ellie"

"I don't want your apology" I huff crossing my arms and leaning against Anna's countertop. She offered me her spare bedroom in her apartment but she left for London This morning to see her boyfriend for the next two days. The day Miles took me back to my apartment my landlord told me that I needed to leave since I didn't have a job and couldn't pay my rent. I knew Anna would have my back and I'm so incredibly thankful she is allowing me to stay with her.

We both stood there staring at each other for a few minutes before he takes a deep breath and says "this was a mistake" I nod hoping he's not being serious. This was a mistake but getting to know Miles wasn't. I would never take back the past month if it meant I never got to be apart of his life.

"You're right, it was" I lie. I hate saying it but I don't want him to see me upset over him again.

"Whatever was between us it done. I think it's better if we stay away from each other" he nods pushing his hands his his pockets.

"Okay" I hold my tears that are fighting my eyes for freedom but I won't let them fall until I'm alone. He faked a smile before leaving without another word, Not even a goodbye.

Once the door closed I let my body fall to the ground, I knew he was still there by the shadow under the door so I covered my mouth before the shadow disappeared and I let myself cry. I cried hard and when I say that I mean mascara down my neck and pure screaming. I don't think it's all from Miles, I think it's all the pain I've bottled up over the few years and now it's all coming out. It hurts so bad but it feels so good. Miles tipped me over the edge and although it hurts I know this is my new start. I can get a new job while staying with Anna and hopefully a better apartment. I plan to get shit done and all without a man. But first I need to cry, for a long time because I know I'll miss Miles and every day will hurt but as it goes on it will hurt less and less.

The next two months were hell. I cried for a week straight. I cried in the morning, I cried at night and in the shower. It felt like such a big weight lifted off my shoulders all because I allowed myself to cry. After my breakdown week I got off my ass and got a job. I applied for an internship at Vance publishing and lucky for me I got it. I worked there for a month and soon enough I had just enough money to move into my dream apartment. It's right across the hall from Anna but another win was that it's so much better. It has a balcony and three bedrooms along with a huge bath! Not big enough to cover my boobs and my knees if I were to lay down but almost there.

I felt like a whole new person and honestly I think I was. I wore clothes that showed off the curves on my body the way I always feared of doing and it's nothing like I thought, Men still throw themselves at me but not in a creepy way. They do it now because they know that I know I'm hot and I'm willing to show my body in places other then a strip club. It feel amazing.

I've spent a few days wondering what Miles would think about my new self but he's not here. I went out and bought a dress back when miles and I were pretending to date and I remember hoping he would ending up taking that dress off. I only bought it for him to take it off and I ended up wearing that dress on a date a few nights ago. No, that guy never took it off but I felt sexy and beautiful at the same time which i never thought was possible. I invited that guy out to a party Vance was throwing for his new interns and employees today and I almost picked up that sundress I bought almost four months ago but something in my gut told me I wasn't ready. It told me that I shouldn't put that dress on yet.

I sat on my chair outside drinking my champagne waiting for Jake to show up and when his car pulled into the parking lot I felt myself grin, I missed that excitement I had with men the way I had with Miles.

"Hey Ellie" Jake smiles coming in for a hug. I wrapped my free arm around him before he pulled away and started staring at my breasts. It was easy to tell when men stare at your body but god it was like he wasn't even trying to hide it. He licked his lips before looking back at my face. "Wanna go inside?" He shrugs as his eyes narrowed down to my legs.

"Yes" I smile. Once we're inside Vance gives a quick speech about how grateful he is for the people who are working for him and how much effort they put in. He looked at me a lot like he was talking to me privately considering all the other people who started working here didn't love reading as much as a publisher should.

My eyes looked up at the second floor balcony and there he was. At first I thought it was a figure of my imagination but when his eyes locked on mine I knew he was real. It's been two whole months with no communication, no goodnight or morning text and not even a moment of being able to see him smile at me again.

Miles was there. He was watching me flirt with Jake for god only knows how long he's been watching. You know what, it doesn't matter because we were never together and never will be so the next thing I did I'll probably regret later but I grabbed Jakes face and pushed my lips on his. I crinkled my nose from the smell of pure alcohol bouncing off his breath into my mouth, had he been drinking earlier today? Gross.

I pulled away and looked back up at Miles who had the darkest glare spread across his face. I sighed and turned around to look back at Jake who had the stupidest grin on his face. Yeah, he was drunk. I looked back around and Miles was gone. I felt the empty feeling in my stomach grow bigger and suddenly I needed air, I needed to breath away from all these people. I excused myself from Jake and practically ran outside for fresh air but when I did I stumbled right into him. Miles tall body steadied me straight before I looked up at him and he still had that darkness on his face but the smile he gave me washed most of that away.