My Babysitter's are 5SOS and 1D

Autumn pt 2

(Trigger Warning, self-harm may be in this chapter idk yet.)

I woke up and the bed was empty, I sigh and sit up no one was in the room the house was quiet I get up to look around everyone's gone and the cars are gone,

I look at the table and see a note 'Hey we went to the store to buy a few things we'll back soon love the guys' well that explains it,

I'm still having trouble getting over Crystals death she was my best friend, JoJo and I don't talk anymore we befriended each other over stupid reasons,

I go back to my room and sit on my bed I start crying because I know if I would've been here instead of going on tour my best friend would still be here, I can't take this anymore I start to have a panic attack and grab my blades I keep hidden, I pull my shirt up and shorts and start slicing at my stomach along with my thighs like I always do,

With every cut of the blade feeling The blade slicing open my skin seeing the blood trickling down relives some of my pain but not all of it I start crying even more and cutting more I then hear a car door slam I start to panic I hide the blade and run to the bathroom to clean up I realized I got blood on the sheets due to how much I cut 'shit, shit, shit how will I cover the blood up? Oh, wait I'm a girl I can say I started my period.'

I hear the front door open I calmed myself down and cleaned myself up, I can hear Michael talking and it sounds like he's going into the bedroom he yells "WHAT THE FUCK!" And it catches everyone attention,

He then goes to the bathroom door and tries to get in "Tara are you okay? There's blood on the bed!"
"Yes, Michael I'm okay I just started my period," I say and he lets out a sigh of relief,

I think to myself great cover story I hurry up and make sure all the evidence is gone and walk out of the bathroom,

"So what'd y'all get at the store?" I asked

"We got some more food, toilet paper, paper towels, and stuff"

"Sounds fun Ashton," I say

Ashton has a weird look on his face almost like he knows what I did but he doesn't want to say it out loud

"So how's your headache, Tara?"

"It's almost gone Ash but not all the way gone"

"Well I picked you up some Excedrin" I smile and grab the bottle from him I pop a few pills and drink some water to get them going

Man, I just really hope they don't find out I relapsed that would suck,

I go back to the room and lay down Ashton comes in I'm thinking to myself oh shit here we go then Michael comes in and starts being loud

"Michael I'm really tired and want to sleep can't you go play the game or something?"

"Fine Ashton I'll leave you to sleep"

Ashton comes over and lays down in my bed why my bed? Why not his bed? He pulls me close and I grunt because he's grabbing my stomach where I cut, I go to move but my shirt raises to where he can see where I've cut since the lights are not out yet,

I grab my shirt to pull it down but he yanks it back up and stairs in disbelief he has no words he looks at them then looks me in the face I pull my shirt down and act as nothing happened,

"Tara, what the fuck did you do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say hoping he will drop the subject but he doesn't

"Yes you do it's right here" he lifts my shirt back up " How long has this been going on?" He asks as he runs his fingers over my cuts I wince in pain because they're still fresh "Tara tell me!"

"Keep your voice down I don't want everyone knowing! I relapsed a few months ago after finding out Crystal took her life I wish it were me instead"

"Tara promise me you'll never do this ever again"

"I can't make any promises Ashton it should've been me not her"

"You can't say that and I have to tell everyone what happened I knew that you didn't start your period yet because you had it 2 weeks ago"

"No, you don't have to tell anyone Ashton now stop I'm done talking about this," I say and get up out of bed but Ashton grabs my arm

I yank my arm free and he grabs my thigh to grip lock me into place I scream because of the pain he lets go grabs me by my arms and lays me back down on the bed, he pulls my knee pants up and sees my cuts on my thighs,

"Tara you need to stop doing this it isn't healthy and it hurts everyone around you"
"Like it would hurt you! You're always lecturing me about everything why would you give a shit about what I do to my body to help me through shit!" I yell at him lucky for me Calum, Michael, and Luke went out to buy a new game that they forgot to grab,

Ashton looks me dead in the face getting angry and yelled "You think I don't give a shit! I do give a shit I care about you!" "No, the fuck you don't otherwise you wouldn't always be on my ass about everything! Hell even when I turned 18 I got lectured! Over what me wanting to go back to the bridge and jump into the water again! You don't fucking give a shit you're just putting on an act the only person who gives a shit is Michael because he doesn't lecture me every time I try and talk to him about my mental health and how I feel!"

"Because it's dangerous especially at that height! Tara, I give a shit about you I worry every day if something going to happen to you Tara for Christ's sake I fucking love you!"

"No, you don't you're just saying that now get off of me!"

"No!"

"Get the fuck off of me!" I start wiggling trying to get away but he just puts his legs over mine grabs my arms and holds them over my head,

"Tara you're not going anywhere until you promise me that you're never going to cut again!" I can hear the anger start raging from his voice his grip is getting tighter around my wrists "Ashton get the fuck off of me you don't give a shit leave me alone just fucking leave!"

"Tara I am in fucking love with you and I will not stand by and watch you hurt yourself!"

"What? Get away from me right now and stop lying!"

Ashton's grip tightens on my wrists even more and I know it's going to leave bruises I try to get away but can't, Ashton looks me dead in the eyes his eyes full of fiery fury he then leans his head down and kisses me on the lips, why is my whole body tingling it feels good but I can't this is wrong way wrong, I wasn't kissing him back at all,

his grip loosens around my wrists he lets go of one of my wrists and places his hand on my cheek while still kissing me I turn my head to the side to break the kiss

He looks me dead in the eyes as he completely lets go of my wrists he rests his hands on the bed still straddling me

"Tara I've loved you for a long time and I can't stand by and watch you do this to yourself I can't take it anymore if you cut I cut if you die I die that's how this is going to go"

I was still speechless from him kissing me, he gets off of me and sits on the bed, "Tara I've only been so hard on you because I love you but didn't know how to say it, that's why Luke and I are always fighting because Luke loves you too but I love you more I can't stand by and watch you hurt yourself like this or see you be with anyone else, I want you"

I don't say anything I just sit up I'm completely quiet I have no words but I just know this can't happen again this is wrong just then I hear a car door I know the other boys are home,

I hear the front door open and a bunch of laughing,
"Just think about it please Tara" I still don't say anything.

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I know it's been years since I wrote this book but this is the best I could come up with right now.