My Babysitter's are 5SOS and 1D

Autumn pt.3

I just kept sitting there thinking about what had happened then I hear the bedroom door open Micheal walks in, he's staring at both of us then he looks at Ashton, he tilts his head to the side and asks,

"Ashton, why do you have a boner?" I jump up and look at him his face is completely red I walk out of the room and step outside to hit a few cigarettes yes a few because of what just happened, how the hell can Ashton and Luke love me I gave up on love a long time ago and everyone knows that,

I mean it's not like I kissed him back I broke the kiss-off, I mean it felt nice but it felt so fucking wrong I couldn't kiss back,

As I'm smoking my cigarette Michael, along with Luke comes outside and lights one up as well, he looks at me and asked "Why did Ashton have a boner?" Luke about choked on his cigarette smoke he looked at me with a weird broken look,

"Look I'm just going to cut to the chase before he tells everyone," I take a deep breath "Ashton found out I was self-harming again" "You what!" Luke yelled

"Luke shut up and let me fucking finish! He found out I was self-harming again he held me down and tried to make me promise not to do it ever again then we got into a yelling match while I was trying to get away and he ended up confessing his love to me he kissed me but I eventually turned away but I didn't kiss him back he let go of me when he heard the car doors he wants me to be with him and he said that Luke's in love with me too he said he can't see me being with anyone else he told me to think about it" as I got done talking Luke's faces was already red and filled with anger you could see it in his eyes,

He threw his cigarette on the ground and ran into the house he ran into the bedroom all you could hear is yelling and screaming I threw my cigarette on the ground as well and ran into the bedroom he and Ashton were fighting, fuck I didn't want this to happen!

I run over and tried to get in between them both I felt one of them punch me in the face as I was interfering with their fighting, Ashton looked me dead in the eyes and immediately started apologizing I can hear Luke yelling and screaming at Ashton about how it isn't fair and all the while Ashton is still apologizing to me

"You both are acting like fucking kids you both need to grow up and stop this! This isn't appropriate!" I yell and stormed out of the house with the car keys I light up a cigarette before taking off in my car,

I was speeding through town trying to clear my head, I go to my spot where no one knows it's a little waterfall that you can walk on with a very old bridge it has locks on it where love bugs lock them and throw the key into the water I mean this is Ohio but we have that too

I'm smoking while sitting on the waterfall at least none of the boys know about this place I think they don't know about it

I left my phone at home because I don't want to be blown up by them I get up and start walking along the waterfall looking at the beautiful sunset I find a better spot to sit on the waterfall and just watch the sunset,

I can't take much more of anything right now I'm at my breaking point I'm seriously ready to throw in the towel and say fuck everything and Kill myself like why the hell not? I mean this world is a shitty place anyways the boys will move on and find someone else they don't need me I'm just here to pass the time until they go on tour again,

I keep thinking in my head about everything that's happened in my life, why did all of this happen it's ridiculous and doesn't make any since it feels like I'm in a movie or a book,

I just keep sitting in the same spot, I hear another car pull up and it's Luke how the fuck did he find me?

He gets out of the car and walks over to me, "This is a beautiful spot," "How the fuck did you find me?"