My Babysitter's are 5SOS and 1D

Autumn

It was now Autumn again heading towards winter,

The tour is over although it wasn't a very long one.

I start walking up the steps to hear yelling it sounds like Luke and Ashton going at it again I just don't know what is up with them but they have been at each other's throat's for some reason and won't tell me why and it's getting on my nerves.

As I walk inside of the trailer a plate flies by my head just missing it by inches and shatters against the wall.

I'm standing there in shock over it who threw the plate I look up and see Ashton with big eyes he's the one who threw the plate Luke ended up ducking and it almost hit me.

Ashton was apologizing but I didn't want to hear it I went to the bedroom and laid down I had such a massive headache it was unreal and they were just making it worse.

Ashton came in the room asking me if I was Okay I told him to go away but I have a massive headache and they were just making it worse he looked really sad and angry at the same time as he was leaving the room Michael barged in pissed off.

I groaned as he started throwing his stuff everywhere I guess I'm not going to be able to go to sleep and get rid of this headache after all.

Ashton started yelling at him to stop telling him that I have a massive headache but he was just off the chain it's like he snapped that's when I sat up.

"What The fuck is wrong Michael?"

He stopped looked at me and took a deep breath and then yelled: "Who The fuck do you think you are cussing at me do you not see that I'm pissed off right now leave me the fuck alone and let me do what I need to do!"

Low-key I was kind of scared by that he caught me off guard I'm not used to him yelling especially at me but then again it kind of pissed me off he doesn't want me to stand up because I'll Lay his ass down right quick.

Ashton was about to say something before I stopped him, Ashtons very protective over me.

"Michael, you don't ever raise your voice to me again do you understand me? I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is going on right now so I can go to bed and sleep off the headache that I have but that's not going to happen because you want to act childish and raise your voice at me and not tell me what's going on,"

"What's going on? What's going on? What is going on is that my girlfriend cheated on me with the scum bag and she's pregnant trying to tell me that we could raise the child together I'm done with her I'm so sick and tired of love every time I fall for someone I always get hurt."

I go to reach for Michael's hand trying to comfort him but he rips it away from me I reach for his hand again successfully grabbing it this time I pull him closer to me he sits on my bed I run my fingers through his hair trying to calm him down I know how it is to be cheated on and lied to it hurts.

"Shhhh it'll be okay" I whisper as I play with his hair he starts crying telling me he's never going to find love because he always gets hurt I keep on telling him "It's okay I will be okay"

After I calm him down I start cleaning up the room from the mess that he made, he's asleep on the bed I wish I could be asleep right now my headache is worse than ever I feel like I'm going to pass out it can't be from dehydration either because I've been drinking plenty of water.

I go out of the room to see if there's any Excedrin left and of course, it's all gone someone left an empty bottle in the cabinet I get so mad when people do that but they still do it.

I start cleaning up the house trying to take my mind off of things Ashton is in the kitchen cooking dinner we each get a night to cook a week Saturday and Sundays we get takeout I'm so sick and tired of cleaning this house by myself I'm about to make a chore chart and if I have to do somebody's chore than they're going to have to pay me to do it that day I'm not a maid.

Calum walks into the trailer he sees me cleaning "Here let me give you a hand with that."

He is the only person who helps me clean other than Ashton sometimes I tell him I'm going to take a break I need a cigarette I go outside and light one up, the cool taste of mental hits my lungs I know I shouldn't be smoking but who cares I'm going to die one day anyway might as well die happy or at least trying to be happy.

I haven't told anyone but my depression has gotten a lot worse I've been trying to keep it to myself trying not to bother anyone else with it it's really hard though because of everything that's been going on and what happened over the summer I lost my best friend Crystal due to suicide I wish I was here to help her but no I had to go on tour with them I just couldn't bear to be alone and I lost my best friend because of it.

I blame myself for her death every second of every day I miss her so much I feel like joining her a lot of times I haven't told anyone yet but I have relapsed on self-harm it's a hard struggle but at least no one has found out I know I can get my ass chewed out if they did especially from Ashton.

I just get so tired of everything I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again but I know I can't do that because I'm still needed here I get done with my cigarette and go back in to finish cleaning but as I walk in Calum already has it all done.

Well he finished it I did the majority of the work I go to the room to lay down on my bed Michael is up now the vacuum cleaner woke him up he's still groggy I pull the covers over me and start to doze off when I fell the bed dip down I turn over to see that it's Michael,

He wants to cuddle so I cuddle him he normally likes being the little spoon but this time he's the big spoon he must know that somethings off with me I'm not gonna hide it I am fucked up losing your best friend is the hardest thing especially after losing your family I lost my boyfriend to used me lied to me I guess I wasn't meant to find somebody to love.

I'm pretty sure Luke and Ashton have a crush on me though because of how they act.

I finally fall asleep.

____
Done.