Sick | BTS ✓

15

Jin's POV

"When can I see her?" I impatiently ask the nurse.

"Only family can visit her at this time. Are you family?" She asks.

All right, Jin. Let's do some acting.

"She's my fiancée. Please let me see her. We're not married yet, but she's the only family I have!" I yell dramatically.

"Room 216," the nurse says in a dull tone.

I smile politely at her before making my way to Clara's room.

I ignore the uncomfortable feeling in my chest. I hate being in hospitals.

I haven't been in one since I was here three years ago when my parents both overdosed.

I found them, called an ambulance, followed them to the hospital, filled out some paperwork and then I left.

I left the hospital. I left my parents' lives.

I don't even know if they're still alive.

I don't even know if I care.

When I walk into Clara's room, I see her in the hospital bed, still as lifeless-looking as when I found her.

Her head has been bandaged and her wrists and ankles are restrained again.

I voiced my concerns to the doctor that I think she did this to herself on purpose.

I need to keep her safe from herself. I know how it feels to become overwhelmed by the voices.

She may hate me for telling the doctor.

Because they're re-admitting her into the mental hospital.

After taking a seat next to her bed, I refrain from holding her hand.

I have no idea how mentally unstable she is. I don't want to send her more over the edge by touching her.

"You are Clara's fiancé, yes?" The doctor asks as she enters the room, holding a file.

"Yes," I respond, giving Clara a quick side glance to see if she heard that, but she's still unconscious.

"She's lost a significant amount of blood, so we're giving her a blood transfusion to compensate for the blood loss," the doctor explains.

I nod in understanding.

"Has she ever attempted suicide before?" She asks.

There's a sharp pain in my chest. I knew she did this to herself, but was she trying to kill herself when she did it?

I don't answer. I don't know the answer.

The doctor clears her throat. "She will stay here for a few days after she wakes up so we can monitor her and confirm that there is no lasting brain damage. And after she has been cleared, she will be transported back to the psychiatric hospital."

I nod wordlessly. She's going to hate me. She was so proud of herself that she was able to get out of there and be free.

"Do you have any questions for me?" The doctor asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"When will she wake up?" I ask.

"It's up to her," the doctor says quietly. "She has a small fracture on the front of her skull as well as some bleeding in her brain. Neither are severe enough to warrant taking her to surgery because both are capable of healing on their own."

The doctor smiles politely before continuing.

"She will be okay. She will recover. But it's not completely up to her physical form to wake up. Her mind will need to accept the fact that she is still alive. Once both parts of her are ready, her physical body and her mind, she will wake up. You just have to be patient and gentle with her."

I send the doctor a small smile as she exits the hospital room.

I glance over at Clara to see her pale face resting against her pillow.

"You deserve so much more in life than what you've been given," I whisper to her unconscious form.

"I don't know what the voices said to you to make you feel like you had to hurt yourself, but I promise that from now on, my voice will be louder and stronger than anyone else's."

I gently take her hand in mine, not able to refrain from holding her any longer.

"You're my Clara Bear," I say through my tears.

"My parents don't love me."

My head turns to look at the source of the weak whisper.

Clara's eyes are still closed, but she's silently crying.

"They abandoned me. They pay me to stay away."

My heart stops. She's never mentioned her parents. And now I can see why.

I don't respond with words. I know there isn't a single thing I can say to comfort her right now.

So I tap her hand with my finger.

Once. Twice. Three times.

She whimpers as she feels the familiar signal and immediately taps three times back on my own hand.

"Don't leave me," she whispers.

"I'm here," I promise.

I gently rest my head in her lap as she continues to cry.

I just stay still, keeping her hand in mine as she lets out the emotions she's been holding in.

And I don't mind it at all. Being this close to her calms my own mind.

Sometimes, it scares me how much I need her.

I've known her for two months, and this has been, without a doubt, the best two months of my life.

I don't care if she's broken. Because I'm broken too.

And she understands that.

She understands me.

And I understand her too.

I see her. The real her. The girl she is under her pain and suffering.

That girl takes my breath away.

If I have to help her fight her demons every single day to see that girl shine through, I will do it.

Without hesitation.

She brought me out of my own darkness without even trying.

By just being herself, she brought me more happiness than I've ever felt.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers.

I lift my head to look at her.

"I couldn't think about anything but how much I wanted it all to stop. I didn't even think about how this would affect you," she continues. "I'm so sorry, Jin. I'm so, so sorry."

There she goes again.

Even when her whole world is crumbling around her, she's still thinking about me.

Even when we were in the mental hospital together, she'd always ask me how I am, even when she was not okay herself.

"You really are incredible, Clara Bear," I say in awe as I caress her cheek with my free hand. "Stop worrying about me all the time."

A nurse walks in and I turn to look at her.

"Time for her pain medication," she says, holding up a syringe.

The nurse walks over and injects the medicine into Clara's IV line before leaving the room.

"I'll always worry about you," Clara says in a slurred tone as the medicine quickly takes effect. "Because I think I love you."

Then her eyelids flutter closed as the drowsiness takes over.