Sick | BTS ✓

9

"Don't touch anything," I warn him as we step inside my room.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Clara Bear."

I hesitantly take my gloves off and place them in their usual place before turning back to face him.

"Maybe try not to breathe either."

He scoffs. "I'll keep that in mind."

My mind is racing as I keep my eyes glued on Jin, watching his every move to make sure he doesn't touch anything.

"I have to stay here for an hour while they get my stuff moved next door. Don't you think asking me to stand here completely still is a little rude?" He asks, raising his eyebrow at me.

I bite my lip. I want to be nice and welcoming like a normal person would be.

But I'm not normal.

He watches me carefully before sighing. "Clara, I'm not sick and I haven't been around anyone who is sick."

"I know that. But I can't convince that broken part of me that refuses to listen to the truth," I mumble.

"I'm sorry. That must be so infuriating that your own mind doesn't listen to you."

I shrug. "That's why I'm here. To fix myself. Same as you."

He smiles, though there is a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Are you going to be okay? Being alone, I mean."

He shrugs. "I guess we'll find out."

"You c-can... um..." I try to speak, my heart pounding in my chest as anxiety boils up.

Say it. Say it. Say it.

"You can sit," I say quietly, pointing to the chair in my room.

He smiles warmly before sitting down and placing his hands comfortably in his lap.

I sit down on my bed and cross my legs. "Maybe if the thoughts get too bad, you can knock on the wall. And when I hear it, I'll knock back. To show you that you're not alone."

Jin thinks for a moment before smiling softly. "That would be very kind of you. Thank you."

"You've done so much for me already. You're my friend, even when you call me that ridiculous nickname and make awful jokes," I smile as I play with my fingers nervously.

I glance over at the clock. It's been fifteen minutes of Jin in my room and I haven't broken down yet.

I smile proudly at myself. Maybe I can do this.

"You're doing really well, Clara Bear."

I nearly snort in laughter when the nickname rings in my ears, pulling me from my thoughts.

"I'm going to come up with a ridiculous nickname to call you one of these days and you'll know how it feels," I warn.

"You're more than welcome to call me worldwide handsome."

I cringe.

Although I can't deny that he's very handsome.

Broad shoulders, plump lips, light brown hair messily laying on his head, falling in tangles on his forehead.

Yeah. He's handsome.

I sigh. "You don't play fair."

He grins and leans forward, his elbows on his knees.

"I'm not doing anything, Clara Bear. I'm just sitting here minding my business. You're the one who is plotting against me right now."

I giggle and he grins wider.

"You're fun to be around. You know that?"

I stop laughing.

Because nobody has said that before.

I've always felt like a burden. I've always been the crazy girl everyone pitied and misunderstood.

"Thanks," I say, barely above a whisper.

"Get out of your own head, Clara. I don't see you the way you're used to. I never have and I never will, no matter what you say or do. Like you said before, I'm your friend. I understand what it's like to wrestle with the demons in your head."

I smile at him, tears in my eyes.

Who knew I could find such an incredible friend here?

I have an urge to do something new and terrifying. But for some reason, the voice in my head telling me not to is not as loud as the sane voice in my head telling me to do it.

So I do.

I get up from my bed and walk over to Jin before gently grabbing his hand with mine, intertwining our fingers together.

My bare hand is now in his.

He immediately stands from the chair, towering over me as he watches me intently.

"Clara?" He whispers.

I shake my head violently, eyes squeezed shut as my mind goes to war with itself.

But I don't let go.

I can't.

"Are you okay?" He asks gently, stroking his thumb on the back of my hand as I hold onto him tightly.

"No," I whisper.

"Don't push yourself too far. You've already accomplished so much," he whispers back.

I open my eyes slowly and stare up at his concerned face.

"I can do this," I say, more to myself than to him.

There's a soft knock on the door and it opens, revealing a nurse.

"Your room is ready, Jin," she says, smiling politely.

He nods and smiles down at me.

"Goodnight, Clara Bear."

"Goodnight," I say, pulling my hand away from him as he's led out of the room.

My door shuts behind him with a soft click and I immediately go to wash my hands.

I put it on the hottest temperature it can go again, but I don't keep my hand under it for too long.

My hands are red and slightly sore from the water, but it's not as bad as the last time.

I sigh in frustration as I lay down in my bed, wishing that I could've been stronger and not burned my hands again.

I close my eyes and try to relax, but my eyes pop back open when I hear something.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Jin's knocking on the wall like I suggested.

He's not feeling okay.

So I knock back three times. To show him that even if he feels alone, he isn't.

I'm here.

He knocks three times again, like he needs me to show him that I'm still here.

So I oblige, knocking back to him.

We do it back and forth a few more times before it's quiet again.

I smile to myself knowing that he's finally beginning to let me in.

I drift off into a peaceful sleep, the pain in my hands lessened by the thoughts of my friend.