Sick | BTS ✓

20

"You... do?" I say incredulously.

He laughs, and I see the light in his eyes for the first time in so long.

"Cute," he murmurs as his thumbs stroke my cheeks and his forehead is still pressed against mine.

"Even after everything I've done?" I ask quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

How can he forgive me so easily? I haven't forgiven myself for being so selfish.

It'll take me a long time to forgive myself for hurting him.

Maybe I'll never forgive myself.

"Baby, I was never angry with you. You didn't force me to take care of you. You were hurting and you were in pain and you leaned on me for support. I never, even for a second, hated you for that. I know now that how we used to be was toxic and destructive, but you've changed. You changed so much since you came back and it's so evident even through the way you carry yourself now. Never apologize to me because I was just as much a part of the toxicity as you were. Neither of us knew what we were doing to the other or to ourselves, but we are taking responsibility and taking steps towards a new and better future. And Clara, you are my future. So yes, I love you. I always will."

Tears pool in my eyes as I stare into his soft brown ones.

My arms come up to wrap around his neck and my lips gently meet his, so familiar yet so new without the darkness behind it.

His arms move to circle around my waist as he pulls me closer to him, neither of us ever wanting this moment to end.

We didn't meet in the best circumstances, and we have both seen the darkness in the other. But through it all, he never once gave up on me. He never once put me down. He was never scared of me. Never impatient. Never unkind. Never selfish.

He not only battled his demons, he battled mine as well.

And even when I hurt him so badly, he still never gave up. He still put me first, staying away even when he didn't want to just so I could learn to love myself.

And that gift is the best thing I could've ever been given.

Because now I do love myself. I understand myself. And I know how to be strong for myself.

I'm strong.

And now I can stand on my own two feet and give my heart to the man in front of me, who's never hesitated to do anything but be there for me.

"Say it again," I whisper against his lips.

He smiles softly, eyes still closed as he whispers it.

"I love you, Clara Bear."

"I love you too, Jin."

He kisses me again, his lips warm and soft against my own. I'll spend every day for the rest of my life being the best version of myself.

For me. For him.

"Let's go eat, beautiful."

"Okay, worldwide handsome."

He gasps dramatically. "Music to my ears!"

I laugh as I intertwine his fingers in mine.

**********

"Tell me about the voices," Dr. Kim says patiently.

"They're still there. I don't think they'll ever leave. But they're quiet. Nearly whispers."

"What do they say?"

I sigh. "That I'm not safe. That I should hurt myself. That I'm not good enough. That nobody needs me."