Sick | BTS ✓

4

"How has your first day been?" My therapist asks me.

"Better than expected," I admit.

He smiles. "Would you like to share anything?"

I nod slowly. "I... I think I made a friend."

"Yes, I was told that Jin has been very helpful to you today and that he also got you those gloves?"

I nod, smiling. "He noticed how badly I was struggling. I thought it was really considerate of him to notice something and be able to comfort me in some way. Usually people ignore me when I do things like that because they don't understand or care."

"Why do you feel like they don't care?"

"I can see it on their faces. They think I'm crazy or that I'm just making it all up to get attention. I just hate that I'm not taken seriously just because of something as silly as that."

"But you know you're not crazy, right?"

I shrug. "Sometimes, I do think that. Because the things my brain says and makes me do make no sense. Why do I have to do certain things three times? A sane person wouldn't do things like that. Right?"

"It's just your body's way of trying to control the intrusive thoughts and obsessions. The things your brain tells you to do are just compulsions to calm the storm in your mind. When you do those things, you feel better afterwards, yes?"

I nod.

"That's just part of OCD. You have an obsession, an intrusive thought, and then your brain comes up with a compulsion, something like a tic for you to perform that eases that anxiety. It's perfectly normal for people with OCD to do things that seem silly, but that doesn't mean you're crazy."

"I just want it to stop..." I say quietly, staring at my gloves laying beside me, wishing I could put them back on.

"That is why you're here. We are here to help you, Clara. With the right medication and exposure therapies, we can and will get you back on track to being able to live a normal life with minimal distractions from your disorder. Now, for your homework, I want you to touch the door to your bedroom and not wash your hands for five minutes. Do you think that's manageable?"

I sigh. "I guess I'll find out later, huh?"

"You can do it. You've already accomplished so much today. Make yourself proud. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, okay?"

I smile and stand up, grabbing my gloves and carefully slipping them back on while being careful not to touch too much of the outside of the gloves with my bare hands.

He opens the door for me and ushers me out, giving me a small smile before closing the door behind me.

**********

"Clara, over here!" Jin shouts from a small table on the other side of the day room.

I make my way over to him and sit down in the seat across from him.

"I just got here a couple of minutes before you. How was therapy?" He asks, opening up a deck of cards and beginning to build a house with them.

"Therapeutic," I joke.

He laughs and his small house of cards topples down. "Funny. You're a funny girl, Clara."

"How was yours?" I ask, watching as he begins to rebuild.

"Therapeutic," he smirks.

"Wow. Worldwide funny guy."

He bursts out into a fit of giggles, sending his house of cards collapsing to the table again.

"Help me build this since you keep making me knock it over," he says, sliding over a small pile of the cards.

I hesitate, staring down at the worn out playing cards.

"Clara, it's safe. You're wearing gloves, remember?" He says softly.

I nod, ignoring the voice in my head screaming at me.

I pick up the cards and hold them in both hands, trying to convince my brain that there's nothing wrong with them.

Put them down. Wash your hands.

No. I'm okay.

Dirty. Your hands are dirty.

I'm safe.

"Clara..."

I shake my head to clear it and glance up at Jin, who's watching me intently.

"Don't do that. Don't overthink it. Just help me build a house of cards."

I let out a shaky breath and smile. "I can do this."

"You've already done it. The cards are in your hands and you haven't freaked out. Look, you're not even crying this time."

I smile again and place a card onto the foundation Jin has already built.

"So, Jin..."

"Hmm?" He hums as he and I take turns stacking cards.

"Do you have any other friends here?" I ask.

"I do, actually. Tons of friends."

"Why have you been hanging out with me all day then? I'm not very interesting."

"You're very pessimistic about yourself, you know," Jin smirks as he places the last cards on the stack, completing the pyramid.

"I just don't understand why you've hung out with me all day when you have tons of friends."

He shrugs as he stands up and moves his chair to sit next to me since we couldn't see each other around the card pyramid.

"You're interesting."

I snort. "It's been a day. How do you know that?"

He sighs. "Stop that. You're trying to push me away because you don't want to admit that I'm not scared of you or your issues. I'm not freaked out by you. I'm not scared. I don't think you're crazy. And besides, you have a talent for building houses out of cards."

I laugh and glance over to him. He's watching me with a goofy grin on his face, leaning back comfortably in his chair as he shuffles the rest of the deck of cards in his hands.

"Maybe I can meet your friends one day," I suggest.

"How about tomorrow?"

I grin. "Okay."

**********

I walk into my room and hear the door close behind me. I'm still full from dinner and now that I've taken my medications for the day, I'm starting to feel sleepy.

I pull my gloves off and place them on the small dresser that I have before remembering my homework.

Touch my bedroom door and do not wash my hands for five minutes.

I turn around and stare at the door.

I can't. I can't. I can't.

But I shake my head violently, pushing the thoughts away. And instead, I picture my new friend and how he would react knowing I accomplished this.

And with that thought in mind, I place my right hand firmly against the cold metal door.