Freak ~Juuzou x Reader AU~

Chapter 3: Needing You

Exhausted is the best way to describe the constant state I'm in.

Every moment of every day that has followed since the attack has been filled with that same feeling. Just this endless cycle of being exhausted, eyes burning with sheer tiredness. But whenever I try to roll over to sleep or rest my eyes, I am too restless - too full of wired energy. Too consumed by thoughts.

The same proves true when Mrs. Warner leaves and I roll to my side, trying to curl up for some semblance of sleep. For a moment, I fringe the edge of sleep, but it is quickly ripped away when I can hear Rui's screams.

I jerk, yanking my blanket back as my heart slams itself against my ribs, but as the drumming in my ears slows and the ache fills my chest, I realize one thing. My mind is cruel. Taunting me, playing tricks, making me believe she's here somewhere, wailing for me. Or it's traumatized.

Either way, as I work to calm my breathing and scan my surroundings, I know that what I heard was not real. Rui isn't here. I don't know where she is, but I know she's not here. Not with me. Not on this floor. Not even in this hospital. Wherever she is, it's not close.

I manage to settle my breathing and swallow. My throat burns much like it has for the last three days. Dr. Creech says my trachea was pretty crushed, but that it'll heal, it just might take a little time. Though, that's not my worry. Not really. What's on my mind is far more concerning. Far more important.

Rui. My sweet baby.

She's out there...somewhere. Scared. Alone. Trapped with ghouls. Confused. I can only imagine what's going through her head. She's probably crying, searching for me among the faces.

I squeeze my eyes shut, my lips trembling. The lump forming in my throat isn't helping with the burning, but nothing beats the hollowness in my chest. This deep, deep gouging hole. I can't explain it, but I feel so empty. Like a bottomless pit left abandoned, nothing but dust and shrill winds blowing through it.

I don't feel warm. I don't feel happy. I don't feel whole.

At this moment, I am merely existing. Just breathing, though every breath feels like shattered glass filling my lungs. I'm waiting to choke or suffocate. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this pain anymore.

But as a warm tear rolls down my cheek, I know that's not possible. I am here. I am still here, all alone. Unsure of where my child is or how she is doing. Though, I dare not think too much because if I do, I will only set myself up for more pain. More agony.

And I don't know if I can physically or emotionally take any more pain than I've already been dealt. I just can't. I can't allow myself to think of the worst-case scenario. If I did...I'm almost certain I would just...

I inhale.

Breathe. Just breathe.

There's hope. There's still hope that she's okay. That she's alive. Juuzou and Abara gave no indications that they believe otherwise. So, I have to have faith. I have to believe in them. I have to believe in myself and in Rui.

We'll be reunited.

She'll be okay.

We'll be okay.

I just need to keep the faith. I just need to remain hopeful. I just...

A tear rolls down my cheek. I know I need to remain positive, but I don't think I can do this. Not alone. Not by myself. I need...I need...

I love you, little bean.

"I need you."

**Hello, lovelies! So, a chapter mainly in Y/N's head. Don't worry, we will eventually learn about her past and how this all ties in. If you have any theories, feel free to share 'em! Oof. Today was a long day. Hoping y'all had a good day! If not, then I hope tomorrow is better! Thank you so much for everything! Y'all are coolio! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross