Freak ~Juuzou x Reader AU~

Chapter 14: Grain of Hope

"Thank you for doing this," I say, taking a seat at one of the picnic tables.

The warm rays of the slowly setting sun fall over the landscape, pools of gold dipping and diving. A nice breeze blows, rattling the overhead leaves as cars pass by.

Clay slides into the space across from me, smiling, "Of course. It's not a problem."

After receiving his text, Clay came to my apartment to pick me up - himself. No driver. No Nile. Just him. From there, we drove through a drive-through and picked up some food, and now we're here, situated at a park, about to eat our simple meal in a simple setting, the fresh air swirling around us.

And honestly, this is the first time I've ever seen him like this. Unlike all our prior meetings, he is dressed rather casually. Well, what I assume is casual to him. Instead of wearing his well-fitted suit or greasing his hair back, he is instead wearing a nice pair of gray slacks and a well-pressed button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing his veiny forearms. As for his hair, it is not gelled or greased, but rather just loosely styled, allowing loose strands to fall along his face.

But it's still Clay. Still the same man I have come to know.

I swallow some food I've been chewing. "Sorry if this is too...under your standards."

He knits his brows and shakes his head. "This isn't under my standards. Besides, I did say it could be casual."

He did. He did say that.

"I'm surprised you're still here," I say with a nod. "I figured you would've headed back upstate by now."

I can feel him observe me before he replies, "Well, I was going to next week." I suck my lips in. He continues. "But given everything that's happening, I'd feel...guilty to."

I frown. "Guilty? What would you have to feel guilty about?"

"Well, I would find it to be inconsiderate of me to just up and go when you're going through something difficult."

It's stupid. It's so utterly stupid that as he says this, I can feel a wave of heat crash over me. It's so dumb. But I do. It happens. My cheeks flush red, spreading to my ears as I quickly look away, though I can still feel his gaze linger on me.

"I'm... Thank you, but really, you don't need to do that. You don't need to rearrange your life on my behalf," I say, my voice small. "I'd understand if you had to head back..."

I can feel him observe me. Then: "Nonsense. Let's not worry about that. What about you? How are you these days?" His voice grows soft. "I'd imagine you're feeling...well, I suppose there's no right way to word it."

He's not wrong. There is no right way to word the way I'm feeling these days. Not properly. All I know is that I don't feel good. There is a hollowness in me. One that runs far and wide, seeping into the very marrow of my bones. But hollow or not, I still feel heavy. Almost like a rock that's been tossed into the sea, the crashing waves swallowing me, leaving me utterly immersed and surrounded by bleak water.

"You're not wrong. I can honestly say I've been better."

"Of course," he says. "What you're going through... I can't even begin to imagine." There's a brief silence that lingers before he continues. "Have you heard any updates from that special team?"

I shake my head. "No. Not yet."

I haven't. Not yet. Not from Juuzou. Not from Abara. Not from anyone.

"Honestly, I'm trying to keep faith," I say with a swallow. "I'm trying so hard, but it's getting harder and harder. Every day...every moment, I sit in that apartment and am reminded that...that Rui's not there. And...it hurts so much. I barely eat. I barely sleep. It's like I can't breathe. Everything is just so...so... I'm sorry."