Freak ~Juuzou x Reader AU~

Chapter 28: The Blame

I was eighteen when Rui was born.

Still just a kid myself. Just barely fledged into adulthood. Just barely old enough.

So I was scared. I was scared shitless. I was scared I wouldn't know what to do. I was scared that I would mess up in some tremendous way. I was scared I wouldn't love her. I was scared that...that motherhood wouldn't be me.

But on that hot day in June, they placed that wailing baby on my chest, kicking and screaming. Her face was scrunched with anger and fear, cheeks red from crying. She trembled, the new world so cold compared to the home she knew before.

And at first, I froze. It was brief. Just a moment, but I did. And then I saw her. I looked at her. I felt her against me. She was there. She was real. I was real. We were all real. And something flipped in me. I don't know what happened. I suppose that motherly love awoke, and I found myself crying. Blubbering with tears and snot as I cradled her.

That soothed her almost immediately.

She calmed, settling against me as a kitten nestles against its mother. And I cried. And cried, and cried, and cried. I cried so much, feeling this precious ache in my chest brought about as my heart swelled. And swell, it did.

That was when the switch flipped in me. That was when I knew I was meant to be her mother. That was when I realized I made the right choice.

So there I was. Eighteen. Young. Alone. A new mom with a little baby. And I was scared. But not like I was before. I no longer feared whether or not I would be able to love her. That was no longer a worry. I knew I loved her. I would gladly through my life on the line for her – tear my heart out and bleed if she needed it.

The new fears came in wondering if I could give that little girl the life she needed. The life she deserved. It came in wondering how I could pay for everything she needed.

I figured it out. Sort of. Eventually.

Dancing allowed me to do just that. Sure, it's less than glamorous. Aside from blisters and callouses on sore feet, there are also the creeps and perverts lurking in the crowd. It's always them that cause our skin to crawl and our bones to fill with discomfort, but Randy did a damn good job at protecting us. Better than some other places. Better than the first club.

The first club I worked at... It wasn't a good place. The building was cramped and not up to regulation, and the security was practically nonexistent. All the girls had been groped on more than one occasion by several different regulars. But the owner didn't care. Even if we all reported problems to him.

Had I been told that someone from there was following me and attacking women – dancers I knew and didn't know, and other women – while I worked there, I would believe it. There wouldn't have been a single doubt. But at Randy's? Never in a million years would I have imagined that.

Not at Randy's.

Not there.

But that is the reality. That is what happened. I was attacked. Other women were attacked. They were killed. And now, four kids are missing, Rui included. And to add sting to injury, two other girls from Randy's club have turn up dead at two raid locations.

A taunt.

That's what Juuzou calls it. He says that whoever's behind all this is aware that the TSC is searching for them. Moreso, he believes that whoever's doing this is...is close to me. Or at least, watches me. Lurking somewhere in the background. So, they sent a message. By killing Janelle and Sterling.

A message that says I see you, but you can't see me.

A chilling message, really. It causes my skin to crawl and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Sickening.

A gust of wind blows, whisking my hair. The night air feels good. Humid, but good. Relieving, in a way. But also not.

It's disturbing. Knowing what Juuzou told me. His theory. That whoever is responsible for all this knows me. That they have eyes on me. And they know about my involvement with the TSC. That's why Janelle and Sterling ended up roped into all this. That's the collective consensus, anyway. Fucked up as it may be.

And guilt.

So much guilt consumes me. If Juuzou is right, and Janelle and Sterling were killed as a taunt because of me...then it's my hands their blood stains. Or at least that's how it feels. That I'm responsible.

But who? And why? I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense. Who would be doing this? A ghoul? Most likely. They are the ones feasting on the remains before they're found. But this many victims this closely together? That is unusual, even for ghouls. A binger couldn't even attack this many this closely together.

But Juuzou promised.

Even if they still don't know who's behind all this, he promised. They're going to bring her home. She's going to be fine. He promised. And I can trust him.

Still, the guilt is there. Because if Juuzou's theory is true...then Janelle and Sterling died because...because of me. Because of me, three mothers are having to bury their daughters.

And that kind of guilt stays with you.

**Bello lovelies! So, a little look in Y/N's head after the funeral and talk with Juuzou. Seems she's blaming herself a bit. Would you do the same? Anyway, I hope y'all are doing good, especially with all the craziness of these days. If not, I hope ya start to do better! Remember to keep your head up and that you got this! Thank you so, so, soooo much for everything! Y'all are awesome sauce! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross