Freak ~Juuzou x Reader AU~

Chapter 20: Twenty-Twenty

"That's good to hear." His voice is deep, smooth like honey, pouring into my ears just like the wine he is pouring into my glass. "I can only imagine the relief you feel."

He passes me the glass and I take it. "Well, to a degree. I'll feel better once she's actually here. Ya know?" I settle more into the sofa. "It just hasn't been the same without her. It's as if this piece of me has been taken away from me, but now...now, she'll be coming home. Then, and only then will I feel whole again."

Clay's eyes fall on me, carefully observing, then a small smile quirks his lips. "I'm certain of that. I look forward to her being safe at home with you – where she belongs, of course." He reaches over, gingerly tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Not to mention, I miss seeing the way your eyes light up when you smile, and you haven't truly smiled since all this began."

A flush of heat dusts over my cheeks as his fingertips touch my skin, the chills darting the length of my spine. His touch is so ginger, his icy stare deep and wide. Warm, like the tropic seas. Seas that I long to...

I swallow that feeling. The feeling of longing and want, and I swallow it hard. With everything going on, this is no time to let my desires consume me. Even with the newly ignited hope Juuzou and Abara have presented me with, this is still no time to distract myself.

And in the end, that's what anything with Clay would be at the moment. There would be nothing fun or intimate about it. It would only be a distraction through fucking. Fucking to forget the fear. Fucking to forget the pain. Fucking to stop the tears. Just fucking to temporarily be free.

If only for a moment.

And that's not fair of me. Not to Clay. Not to Rui. Not to myself. Not to any of us because right now, there is a little girl out there who is terrified, trembling with fear, and a man far too kind and understanding to use so rudely. And a mother who is neither here nor there, so mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. Too lost in erratic thoughts to think rationally or clearly.

At least, that's what my mind is trying to do, though I'm suppressing it. Because I know better. And I'm not an animal. I'm not a monster. I don't use people. Not like this, anyway. Not as this kind of distraction. And I don't want to start now.

"What's on your mind? You seem distracted." Clay's warm tone pulls me from myself, bringing me back to the moment. His eyes are already locked on me, searching as he observes. He's always observing. Always watching.

Still...there are some things I don't want him to see.

I take a gulp of my wine and reply, "Oh, nothing. It's just...this is all a lot."

He studies me. "Yes. I can only imagine. I suppose you're feeling an array of emotions. After all, your daughter will be coming home again."

"Yeah... She is." I squeeze my eyes. "God, I'm so anxious. I just hope everything goes well. And those other kids..."

He knits his brows. "Kids? Wait. How many kids are involved?"

Crap. I don't know if I was supposed to let that spill. Well, too late now. "According to the investigators, there are three other kids aside from Rui."

His eyes go wide. "There are a total of four children involved?"

"That they're aware of."

He sits, a sense of disbelief falling over him. Then again, I understand why. Children are involved. Multiple children. And at the end of the day, there's no saying how many children are really involved. For all everyone knows, there could be more, though I pray to whatever higher force there may be there isn't.

"That's horrible," he says. "It's bad enough one child is caught up in this, but four? That's maddening. Any idea why ghouls would kidnap human children?"

My fingers smoothly glide over the glass of my cup. "I was told that ghouls sometimes do this to traffic the children after killing the parents."

"Traffic them?"

I nod, "Yes. Trust me, I hate the sound of it too, but the investigators explained it to me." I inhale deeply, recalling how Abara had eventually explained it to me. "They traffic the kids, selling them as human pets to other ghouls. Pets that are typically raised and taught to kill other humans for entertainment."

I swallow. I don't like thinking about Rui in that light. Imagining her being bought and raised by ghouls, used to kill another human. It's...it's sickening.

My throat goes dry. No. No, I don't want to imagine that. No way in hell. I can't do it. I can't picture my little girl doing that. I won't picture that. There are just some things a mother doesn't want to imagine.

I swallow. "It's all fucked up. All of it. Rui...those other kids...they don't even understand what's happening. They've all just been thrown into this, and it's all...wrong."

Just like before, he observes me, carefully. His eyes dance across me, taking in what he sees. I can't say what he sees. In the end, I don't know, but I can only assume it's pitiful. Then, he reaches over, taking one of my hands into his, the warmth of his palm encasing my skin.

"It is. It is all wrong. It is very wrong." His deep voice is smooth like honey, his touch ginger. "And you are facing this all alone, by yourself." His thumb traces my lips. "You are so strong and brave for that."

My heart skips a beat as his words flutter through my ears, leaving me breathless. And I become captivated, lost within that oceanic gaze, finding myself drifting in them.

How does he do this? So easily and effortlessly, at that. How? How do I find myself so entranced and...lost whenever I'm with him? What does this man do to me?

Keep control, Y/N. Don't do anything stupid.

Everything within me is begging myself not to fall into whatever this is. It pleads. After all, I've already established what anything beyond this would be. It would be reckless, stupid, and not fair. And I know that. I know that for a blatant fact.

Still...even with knowing this, I find myself aimlessly swimming in those pools, becoming lost in the endless sky. All so captivating and mesmerizing. All so...

"Clay, I...I think we should stop here."

He lifts a brow. "Stop what?"

I inhale deeply, pulling away. "This. We should stop now before we do something we shouldn't...that I shouldn't."

"We're just talking."

"Are we, though? Because for some reason, I can't help but feel as if we both are visualizing the other naked, and I am in no headspace to do anything like that. Not right now. Not with everything that's happening." I fidget with my fingers. "I'm sorry."

Like so many times before, he observes me. Then smiles. "There's no need to apologize, Y/N. I understand. And you're right. I'm aware you're not in the best place mentally with everything that's happening. If anyone should apologize, it should be me. Sorry if I overstepped."

He gets it. He understands. He's not like some of these young guys out here, thinking they can pressure a woman. Maybe once upon a time ago that was him. Wild, untamed. Just a young buck looking to fuck any girl who would let him. But now, he is older, wiser. More refined. Maybe still not completely tamed, but at least partly.

We finish our wine and eventually, he excuses himself. I walk him to the door and watch as he leaves. He turns back, smiling and waving, then disappears into the elevator.

And deep down, I know I did the right thing.

**Bello lovelies! I know. More Mr. Key. We're all tired of Mr. Key lol. It's frustrating because I know exactly where I want this story to go, but no one (in the characters) wants to listen. So, we're all just kinda here for the ride at this point. It's fun. It's all fun. So, we'll all be surprised together. Well, as always, thank y'all so, so much for everything! Y'all are the bee's knees! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Eye On You" by Wonho