Freak ~Juuzou x Reader AU~

Chapter 11: Caffeine and Distractions

Coffee.

That's the excuse. That's why I'm leaving the apartment. That's what I'm telling myself.

I've been out of the hospital for almost a week now, meaning I've been home for just as long. And for almost a week, I've been stuck there. Just sitting on that couch, watching TV, or reading or staring at a wall. But now, I can't stand it anymore. I can't spend another minute just sitting there, the quiet emptiness of my apartment surrounding me.

I can't.

It's become maddening. It's almost as if I'm losing my mind, the shadows playing tricks on my eyes. With every glance, it's as if I can see some kind of movement. A person ducking out of view, a face peering at me, something. But there's nothing ever there.

Not really. Whenever I turn, no one is there, but those figures still live rent-free in my mind. The silhouettes of those men... I can still see them. They still linger in the deepest depths of my mind, their darkened stares lingering on me.

My skin crawls and I shake my head. I can't let myself fall back into that pit. I just can't. I left the apartment to get some fresh air and help clear my thoughts, not to drown in nightmares. I've done that more than enough.

And it's not to say I've been alone all week. Both Mrs. Warner and Randy have stopped by, each taking time to visit and check on me, though the looks in their eyes always say far more than they do.

They're worried. It takes no genius to figure that out. The sheer concern that drifts at the surface of their eyes always tells me that they are watching me with cautious eyes, almost weary. I'm sure they are. In their eyes, they have no clear understanding of where my mind is. All they know is that I've been through a lot, and that's frustrating enough.

To feel this pitiful is infuriating. It pisses me off. This isn't me. This isn't who I am. Relying on people this much...it sucks. And to feel their worried, watchful gazes only feeds into my irritation.

So, that's why I'm out today. Even as my foot throbs, I still push forward, making my way to the coffee shop. It's an irritating pain, but tolerable. More than it was a few days ago. I can at least bear weight on it now.

The breeze blows, whisking my hair. It feels nice, though muggy, the hot summer sun blazing down, burning the nape of my neck. I hobble into the coffee shop, being greeted by the cool AC. Inside, the sweetly bitter scent of coffee swirls up into my nose, its pleasantness promising some sense of...well, something.

I manage my way to the ordering counter and place my order, then pay. As I wait, I stand, resting as little weight on my bad foot as I can, glancing around. It's a beautiful day outside, but something about it feels...off.

Then again, that's just been my life recently. Everything has been off. Nothing has felt right. Nothing.

And I know why that is. It's obvious. I just can't bring myself to say it, even though Juuzou did offer some hope. And I rode that hope. I'm still trying to ride that hope, but after almost a week with no new word, that hope is fading, slipping further and further away. And the reality is growing grimmer and grimmer.

"Order for Y/N," the barista says.

I blink and pull myself back to the here and now and go to retrieve my order. The cool feeling of the crushed ice feels good against my fingers. With it still being summer, I figured a Frappuccino (or whatever cold, caffeinated drink ya like) was the way to go. Besides, I need the extra caffeine given the little sleep I've gotten. I need this. I need something.

Anything.

Carefully, I limp over to an empty table and slide into one of the seats, facing the window, wanting to watch the outside world. Out there, I know the sun is still beating down, its heat unrelenting and unforgiving. From here, I can see the leaves dancing in the breeze as some cars drive by.