discombobulated
/ˌdɪskəmˈbɒbjʊleɪtɪd/
confused and disconcerted.
Aurora
It's been 2 days since I had kissed Pansy and Mattheo. I didn't talk to Mattheo, nor look at him. I would just walk away when he wanted to talk to me. I've felt a bit weird because I have only known him for a few days.
I decided that I wasn't going to ignore him anymore, I'm not that pathetic. I walked in the great hall towards the Slytherin table. Where I see Pansy, Draco, and Mattheo already eating their breakfast.
"Hi guys," I said as I sat down next to Pansy. "Hi there, pretty girl," Pansy replied as she swirled a piece of my hair in her fingers. Mattheo and Draco just nodded at me, being too busy talking to each other. I started to eat an apple whilst listening to the conversation between Draco and Mattheo.
Breakfast was over soon and in ten minutes the classes would begin. Pansy had the same class as Draco and Mattheo and I had the same class. Pans and Draco said bye to us as they walked to a different corridor. I looked back to Mattheo to see him waiting for me.
"Morning Aurora," He said as he held his hand out for me. "Goodmorning Mattheo" I answered as I took his hand in my own. We just walked in silence to the charms classroom. When we walked in there Professor Flitwick was ready to start so Mattheo and I walked very fast to a table in the back of the classroom. We sat next to each other and we listened to professor Flitwick.
"I'm boreddd" I muttered only for the boy next to me to hear. The professor was explaining some nonverbal spells although most of the students already know these spells, including Mattheo and me. Since we both knew the spell already we started to talk a bit to make it less boring.
"So Rory, care to explain why you were avoiding me for two whole days?" He asked, looking into my eyes. My eyes went wide and I scratched the back of my head becoming nervous. I had no idea what I could reply to him. I just needed to come up with something.
"I didn't avoid you," I stated as I dug my nails in my hands. "You did, Rory. Don't lie to me," He said. "Oh, well I- uh I just-I just didn't want you to think bad of me," I mumbled looking down to the floor. It was not like I had feelings for him but yes I liked him, he is pretty, sweet, and kinda mysterious.
"Why would I think bad of you?" Mattheo smiled at me. His smile made me realize that it was okay, that he wasn't here to judge me.
"Yeah uh, I didn't want you to think that I always kiss boys I only met a few days ago," I say feeling a bit more comfortable.
"I don't think that, it was just a game, right?" He smirked, grabbing my hand. "So everything is okay between us, right?" I asked him. "Yes Rory, everything is okay between us," he assured me.
Professor Flitwick dismissed us and Mattheo and I walked to the next lesson. We had Transfiguration along with the rest of our friends. Professor McGonagall greeted us and I took a seat next to Pansy. I wasn't very good at Transfiguration nor was Pansy. We took some notes and class was over quickly.
Pansy, Daphne, and I walked in front of Draco, Theodore, Blaise, and Mattheo. We were walking to the great hall for lunch. We sat down at the Slytherin table and I decided to eat some mashed potatoes and drink some pumpkin juice. Everyone had a lesson except me, I had a free period.
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I walked to the library and I took a seat in the corner by the window. I grabbed a book and started reading it. "Hi, Aurora," Said a voice I recognized. "Luna!" I said standing up to hug the girl.
"You look so pretty!" I smiled, Luna was wearing a beige fairy dress. "Thank you, Rory, you look pretty yourself too."
We walk outside toward the forbidden forest for the Thestrals. Luna spends most of her time here. We talked for a bit and just enjoyed the bright sun. When we went back inside it was already time for dinner.
We walked to the great hall and Luna walked to the Ravenclaw table while I strolled over to the Slytherin table.
"Roryy!" Pansy says stretching out the y. "Hi, Pans," I respond sitting next to her, smiling at the others. They smile back at me and continue eating. They were in a conversation so no one paid attention to me. I like that, I like that no one really notices me.
I push my plate forward, not being hungry enough to eat. "So Aurora, what did you do in your free period?" Theodore chuckles. Well, now people are paying attention to me. "Oh, I just talked to Luna," I answered him.
"That's nice," Daphne smiled, resting her head on Theodore's shoulder. Daphne is my best friend but sometimes I just hate the fact that she is dating my brother. I didn't reply to this and just smiled back at her.
Dinner was over so we walked back to the common room. I walked next to the one and only Draco Malfoy. "Hello Draco," I spoke looking to my side. "Aurora," He smiled at me, connecting our pinkies. Draco and I always had this sort of special bond.
We walked behind the rest of our friends. "How are you?" Draco asked me. "I'm okay, how are you?" I questioned. "I'm pretty good," He replied. I have known this boy for a very long time and he always succeeds in making me feel safe. We don't talk much but our short conversations mean much to me.
Pansy and Daphne went with the boys while I went to my dorm. I strolled over to my bed but when I went to sit down I heard something on the window. Looking out of the window I see an owl with a letter. I open the window and the owl puts the letter down. The owl flies away and I grab the letter.
Hello Aurora,
You probably never expected to get a letter from me.
This letter is like a goodbye, you see, I don't want to be the father of a stupid emotional, obsessive little girl. Nobody would want that. I can't stand a daughter like you, and to be honest with you I never even saw you as my own daughter.
The moment you were born everything else was ruined. Ruined by you. You ruined your own mother, my wife. I loved her, and you took her away from me. How can I ever forgive you for that? I never want to see you again. You can pick up your stuff next week and if you don't, I'll throw it away.
I'm sick of you.
- Andrew Nott
Oh, ouch.
Did he really not want me anymore? Was that how much he despised me? Where the fuck should I live? It's not like I have enough money to buy something. Thoughts ran through my head as I walked to the small closet, grabbing my firewhisky and cigarettes.
I walk out of my dorm towards the astronomy tower. Running up the long stairs with only my socks on. I run further up the stairs, my foot missing the step making me fall. Gasping looking at the bottle of firewhisky in my hand, letting out a breath when I see that it didn't break.
I walk upstairs and I sit down on the floor, looking at my knees. There were a few wounds on them that were bleeding a bit. I ignored it and grabbed the Firewhisky, turning the cap off the bottle. Taking a gulp of the alcohol, feeling the burning sensation in my throat.
I know my dad always hated me, but after I read that letter it all felt so much more real. I couldn't handle it anymore and I started sobbing. I put the bottle down and try to light up a cigarette with my slightly shaking hands. Putting the end to my lips inhaling the nicotine between my sobs.
A few minutes later I inhale for the last time, exhaling the smoke into the cool air. I grind the cigarette down on the floor until it's out. My sobs come to an end so I wipe my tears away feeling the smudged mascara.
I feel my eyes closing and no matter how hard I try to keep them open, it doesn't work.
