compunction
/kəmˈpʌŋkʃ(ə)n/
the distress caused by feeling guilty.
Aurora
"How can you uncover so much about someone, make them let their guard down and lay themselves bare to you, just to throw it all away?" When I returned to Hogwarts I decided to see Mattheo first, maybe he could help me calm down.
I spent the last week with Mattheo. We were trying to get to know each other, I even tried to open up to him. He knows how hard that is for me. And I also know that we are not in a relationship, and what he is doing with other girls is none of my business. But I didn't think that when I wasn't there to hook up or something, he would just go to another girl. I thought we had something.
He is not a bad person, I know that, but the way he made me feel like I was special to him but to go to another girl behind my back wasn't fair.
I had just walked into his dorm just to see him with Astoria. Her hands in his dark brown hair and his hands on her cheeks. Astoria's lips were on his while he mumbled her name.
"Aurora, what's wrong?" Astoria asked when she saw my tear-stained face. I wanted to punch her pretty little face but I knew it wasn't her fault. She didn't even know I liked Mattheo, I couldn't blame her.
"I'm okay Astoria, don't worry," I told her before walking out.
I walked to my dorm but Pansy was also in our dorm. I asked her if she could get Theodore. So now I was waiting for him and he could walk in at any moment. The door opened and my brother walked in. "Hi, bug,"
"Hey what's going on?" He questioned me when he saw the tears running down my cheeks. Theo sits next to me but I can't face him. "He's dead Theo,"
"What do you mean? Who is dead?" He gulps. I look up and say, "Father, he's dead," I try to reach out for him but he stands up. "Please don't go," I whisper but he shakes his head and before I can say something else, he walks out. I can't do this without my brother, I need him. Please.
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I walk to the bathroom, I'm in desperate need of a hot shower. The shower is definitely my 'safe place'. Nobody can bother me there. It's just me, all alone. I love the sound of the water falling on the ground, it's calming.
After half an hour I get out of the shower and dry myself off. I put on some sweatpants and an oversized sweater. When I walk out of the bathroom I see Pansy and Draco. I don't say anything and just walk over to my bed. I let myself fall straight onto my bed and I groaned into my pillow.
"How bad is it this time?" Pansy asks. "Really bad," I mumble, not looking up. "Do you wanna talk about it, Aurora?" Draco joins in. "No, maybe later," I say, getting up. I grab the letter from my dad on my nightstand and give it to Draco. "Can you give that to Theodore? He walked away before I could give it,"
"I'll give it to him, goodnight Aurora. Bye Pans," He says, walking out of our dorm. "Do you wanna cuddle, Rory?" Pansy smiles at me. I couldn't say no to her even though I wasn't really in the mood to cuddle. I know she's doing this to help me.
I grab my pillow and walk over to her bed. We lay down in silence and after a while, we both fell asleep.
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